Me, Myself and My Blog!!!

In memory of...

2012-01-23T17:11:00.000-05:00

My Patti and I

“Farewell is said by the living, in life, every day. It is said with love and friendship, with the affirmation that the memories are lasting if the flesh is not.”

Two months have flown by since I lost my grandma. I was distraught for a while; I did not know how to mourn someone when my memories of her were "few and far between". Well, the memories were "few" from the past but fresh memories were singed in my brain and heart when I spent the 20 days of my grandma's last days on earth with her. Those days are the days when I forcefully kept my thoughts trained on how I could serve my grandma in her hour of need. I remember connecting with her in a way that I could not even begin to describe; this was a frail old lady, who called out my name every single time I went up to her bed; who grabbed my hand like a child begging me to take her home. I became acutely aware of the fear of that soul, in its loneliness, to die. I became one with the peace that she felt when she knew it was time for her to go. Looking back, the single biggest lesson that she has taught me was to stay in the present moment and be with whatever shows up.

I still mourn my grandma. I don't know when the tears would stop.However, there is this lesson that I learned from her and that which I want to pay it forward. So, I made a vow to myself; on the day of my grandma's death every month, I will spend some time with a senior citizen, be absolutely present for them and be with them. I spent a cold winter day yesterday, volunteering with Dorot, spending time with two senior citizens in New York. Speaking with them made me feel lighthearted and more compassionate towards the process of aging & the toll it can take on the human spirit. I also saw how in real life, that the toll of aging on the human spirit is possible only if we allow for that to happen. The mind is such a powerful master. If we don't let it run berserk, then it is such a phenomenal slave -to the heart.I would not have got the benefit of this company, had it not been for the life changing event - death! Ironic but true!

Every cloud does have a silver lining. Thank you, Patti. I still miss you badly and it is because of you and because of us, that I am able to turn this event around and serve other senior citizens. I am not going to forget this precious lesson in a hurry!


Source: www.123greetings.com

Gratitude to begin the year

2012-01-10T07:56:00.001-05:00

It has been a while since I felt my feelings openly, took care of myself. It is not a good place to be, yes, I get that. Now, I am taking responsibility for the fact that I caused it and am now creating more balance! I started doing that when I boarded my 18 hour flight back to the States. Gratitude flooded me when I thought about a few people in my lives; who had been there for me in ways that I did not think was possible. So I have decided that I will send a thank you note via my blog.

When I think of this person, let's call him/her "M", I will always remember this person as a gift in my life. The last two months of 2011 were emotionally draining for me mainly because I did not create a good outlet for my feelings, especially my sad ones. I remember smiling and doing stuff as is usual but feeling very low on the inside. Looking back, this person "M" has been that person who listened, patiently listened to everything that I said, to my tears and constantly stayed in touch. I was not in the right frame of mind to stay in touch the way he/she had but I was, am and forever will be grateful for that kind , loving & generous heart.

Source: http://www.crystalscomments.com/graphics/232/p/1/thank%20you

Who Is the Most Important Person to You in the World?

2011-11-22T06:08:00.001-05:00

I had to think this through before I answered. I now realize that when I thought about this question, I was more concerned with what the "society"'s reaction to my response would be; in this case, the society that I was afraid of was the community of Indian women.

So, despite this irrational fear of the "society", I am going to declare that the most important person to me in my life is ME. I used to think that I was selfish in thinking this way and I had evidence from a few people around me that this is indeed a selfish attitude. As I pull back from all the responses around me and think about it truly in terms of what works for me and what does not, I see that keeping me as the most important person is actually the best place to be; because if I don't, who will?

I now boldly state that the values that I live my life by and don't have any problems distancing myself from people who ask me to defend these values. It just does not work FOR ME! I assert to people that joking about my abusive marriage, while it is in the past, is still painful and ask them to stop making jokes about it. I ensure that I get my sleep and food at regular times; I make time for people in my life with whom I want to share a part of my life, big or small. I make goals for all aspects of my life and work towards them. I see possibilities in everything , even if it is after a time lag. I am not perfect, Thank you God for that and I am well on my way to excellence and surrounding myself with people who love and respect as much as I love and respect them.

http://corelifeliving.com/category/self-love/

Of what are you most afraid ?

2011-11-20T06:13:00.001-05:00

Had you asked me this question three weeks ago, I promise you that my answer will not be the same as what I is in my mind and heart, right now. Such is life, teaching one lesson every single step of the way.

I am right now, very afraid of death. I have never had to look at a dying person before, or hold their hands, or feel life ebb out of their body. I go to the hospital every morning, with both fear and hope in my heart - fear that I may be alone with my grandma in her last hours on earth and hope that she'd still be alive for however long she chooses to. My grandma has lived up to a ripe old age; she has had her shares of joys and sorrows in life; she has such a fantastic bond with my mother, with whom she lived for the past 20 years of her life, she has been well taken care of by my mother and right now surrounded by people who love and support her.

November 12 was a defining moment for me with my grandma. That was the first time, I saw that she was able to look at me in my eyes; I felt in my gut that she knew it was her time, she recognized me for the last time and called me by my name, nodded her head when I sang to a devotional song to her, blinked her eyes, as though in affirmation, when I chanted a few verses of the scripture in her ears. Now, I feel that all I have about my grandma are only memories. I can vividly remember her crying and saying good bye to me in April, standing next to her and watching her eat her lunch at my brother's wedding because she was unable to walk down to the dining hall, her joyous grin when we welcomed my sister-in-law into the family, her sad, incoherent response about how she feels about her kids who have abandoned her, her habit of standing out in the patio, waving good bye, her fear of needles, her love for my mom and dad. Now, I am afraid of saying good bye to her, which means that I really only have these memories and nothing else. That is why I still am afraid of death. I know I will get to a point where this fear of death will actually make everything else precious for me; not just yet.

Source: http://comments16.com/comments/good-bye-graphics/

Quiet Place

2011-11-17T23:51:00.001-05:00

I came across this website for aspiring writers and bloggers and the "inspiration for a blog post" in that site was a description of what a quiet place is for us. I was in the middle of writing another post about goals when the thought of a quiet place struck a cord in me.

When I close my eyes and think of a quiet place in the physical realm, the only place that constantly comes to my mind is Santa Fe, New Mexico. I have and still am fascinated by the Native American culture, the genuine warmth that people exude, the external serenity that cradles me when I go to Santa Fe. My cell phone tends to lose its signal when I am there. So, I am technologically disconnected from the world. I go for really long walks through the meandering roads of the town, take leisurely tea breaks at the cafe in the town center, reading papers, engaging in philosophical conversations with the owner of the cafe, listening to soul-soothing live music at the restaurant in the hotel, sipping wine near the warm and toasty fireplace, snuggling under the sheets in my cozy room, watching the light, soft snow flakes gently float down to earth, settling on the branches of the tree instead, YES, Santa Fe denotes external bliss to me. If there is Heaven on Earth, it is Here, Here, Here, for me!

http://www.stampotique.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=stamp&Product_Code=3011&Category_Code

Five Senses - What is more important?

2011-11-17T03:10:00.000-05:00

Things have been going out of control in my life; a better way of stating it more powerfully will be "I have been allowing things to go out of control in my life"So, I decided that I am going to do a few things that will involve taking care of myself and my needs too. One of the things that I enjoy is writing and I had let that go for a while. I follow the Personal Excellence blog diligently and there is a 21 Day journal challenge. I am devoid of creativity now because of worry. So I am going to use the 21 day challenge to feed my blog posts.

Today's challenge is about our 5 senses - Smell, Sight, Touch, Taste and Hear - which is more important to you? At first I thought that this is a no brainer; I will choose sight over everything else. I can see people's emotions, reactions and their way of being, beauty and ugliness and everything in between and make adjustments to my mental makeup accordingly.

However, I also realize the importance of touch; especially in someone's hour of need. I reach out and touch people who I care about extremely. I hug my parents just because I want to; I touch my grandma in the hospital everyday because I don't know when it is going to be my last chance. When I hug someone, I feel the love and support. Not to mention the fact that touch is the ultimate expression of love between a man and a woman.

Considering everything else, Touch is the most important sensation to me.

Source: http://www.metrolic.com/touch-molecules-identified-125784/

To be or not to be

2011-11-10T22:01:00.001-05:00

I was walking back from the hospital, after seeing my grandma curled up in the ICU, mulling over what the nurses told me, seeing distinct mental images of my grandmother - in the ICU, when she peeps out of the living room to see who is out there in the patio, when she shares a secret with me that will irritate my mother, when she stands patiently in front me, waiting for me to open my eyes from my meditation, to help her with her ear buds.

I start to wonder "Why? She is a nice person, who has only helped people throughout her life. She has only good things to say about people who have caused her heartache. So, why this situation for my grandma? " I certainly don't wish it on others but I certainly wondered why.I heard a few people around me talk about how God is punishing my grandma, despite her nicety.

I don't believe that God makes good people suffer just to test how faithful they are. I merely believe in God and that is it! Everything else that happens to us, merely happens to us. Believing in God provides that faith that takes us through situations that which we thought cannot be handled. So instead of thinking to myself "Why God, why is this situation handed out to my grandma?", I consciously choose to say to myself " God, please help my grandma make the best possible choice that she can make for herself. Please give me the strength to choose the right attitude that will support my grandma, my parents, my family and I".

http://www.graphics18.com/quotes-2/god-quotes/happy-moments-praise-god-difficult-moments-seek-god/

Marriage and what not?

2011-10-28T19:00:00.000-04:00

In my family, a lot of wedding anniversaries happen in sequence. I love weddings, not because I have been dreaming about mine since I was a little girl. Strangely enough, that seems to be a stereotype that surrounds women! :-) I love weddings, because to me, it symbolizes the coming together of two strangers who want the same things from life.

At the risk of offending a lot of mothers, I feel that the relationship between a man and a woman is holier than the relationship between a mother and son/daughter! It is but natural for a mother to feel unconditional love for her child, after all it is a part of her.It takes something for a man and woman to devote their lives to each other, for what they can give to each other.

The first anniversary, this year, is my parents' in September. There was a time in my life when I was stupid enough to think that romance did not "look like" my parent's marriage. As time went by and as I become bold enough to admit my own myopic view of romance, I have a smile on my face when I see my parents together. They have been together for nearly 39 years and in them, I see unconditional love and acceptance of each other, however they are and however they are not. I am deliriously happy when I am around them, when I think of them.

Next in line is my younger brother and sister in law. What I love about them is the playfulness between them. They had known each other for a long time before they got married to each other. I am pretty sure they still are learning a thing or two about being with each other every year. After all, isn't that what marriage is about?

Last, nonetheless the least, is my youngest brother and sister in law. Now, they have taken "anniversary" celebrations to a whole new level. They celebrate their marriage every month and you guessed it right, they are newly weds. What I want for them is that they remain in this "newly weds" mode, even after being married to each other for 50+ years. Keeps it fresh!


Source : http://www.weddingbycolor.com/blandtobe/milestones/73846

I don't know why I felt like writing this post; I guess I have this warm feeling in my heart thinking about all these people in my life, who are in a simply juicy, finger licking delicious relationship!

Difference between man and woman

2011-10-02T10:48:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: I posted this picture just because I am in a mood to laugh at myself. This is not meant to disparage any gender, especially mine! :-)

http://www.awsem.com/education-differences-between-men-and-women.htm

Difference between listening and hearing

2011-10-01T22:26:00.000-04:00

I had never really paused to understand the difference between hearing and listening, till it happened to me.

Hearing:
I said: ...I am not "married" to the green card process. However, I am considering a career move. I am speculating about it now
S(h)e said: Immigration in the USA is glorified slavery. I know of many people who have stayed back in the USA because of the stupid green card and the equally stupid process.
I said: Yup, I get that and that is why my career move is not limited by process like the green card process. I am really figuring out what I want to do next.
S(h)e said: I know! Immigration f*cking a****les!!
I said: Hmmm...

Listening:
I said: ...I am not "married" to the green card process. However, I am considering a career move. I am speculating about it now
S(h)e said: Excellent! What are your plans? What are you thinking about?
I said: You know I am starting to jot down my strengths and find out my next big passion. That is what I will focus on.
S(h)e said: Hmm.. How can I be of assistance?
I said: No, I got it! I have a life coach with whom I am working out these details. It helps to have an objective look at this. But thank you for being such a wonderful listener. I appreciate that!

Can you see how this has lent itself to an effortless conversation, without pre-conceived notions or assumptions about what the other person is thinking or what ever is reactivating us? Try this on and you will realize that it actually takes practice to be that kind of a listener. My personal opinion is that listening is such a romantic trait! So, am I listening or hearing? :-) What about you?

Day 30 - In Motion

2011-10-01T01:13:00.001-04:00

Today is the last day of the blog marathon for the month of September. I am very proud of myself for sticking to this discipline and posted every day. For the past 30 days, I had been traveling, had been in conversations with family and others at all odd hours of the day, been working pretty hard, excelling at my salsa so much so that I am called the "favorite" to one of the lead dancers , keeping in touch with my friends, be it via email, phone or text messages, been exhausted in a good way, you know, the "exhaustion" where you know you have given it your best shot for the day to all that you care about in your life and are at peace with the day! I have had meaningful conversations, completely useless but delightful conversations. Life had been busy, good, relaxing and overwhelming, all one after another!

Now, I am debriefing through this blog post. What did I do well for me to keep all of this going? Let's see. I know that I had been taking good care of my time, to manage myself and others in my life. I had requested time off for myself when I know I am not at my mental or emotional best.I said "No" to certain things and certain people, when I was not interested so that I can actually focus on what I am interested. I have been disciplined about doing certain things at certain times of the day.

What are the lessons learned? The questions that I get asked by most people is how I manage to do so much and if I am ever relaxed. :-) This is my way of relaxation - to dance, to sing, to blog, to read, to cycle, to walk, to meditate, to cook and sometimes, I am a couch potato and watch "Criminal Minds" marathon on TV! It works absolutely well for me!My biggest lesson learned is that when I accept myself for who I am and who I am not, I accept others for who they are and who they are not! Isn't that delicious?

Now,I just need to remind myself about this precious lesson so that I don't forget! Hmm..how do I keep that in motion? I think I'll do it with this.

Day 29 - Purchased

2011-09-29T21:30:00.003-04:00

I don't really believe in showing off purchased items. Yes, they provide some kind of status in life but that is not what I am after! My commitment is towards meaningful relationships with others and with myself. I was reading this article about "Emotional Generosity"

" The act of giving positive emotions to others without expecting anything in return. Emotionally generous people continuously brings happiness, love and positivity to others, without expecting anything in return. They are constantly thinking about how they can make others around them feel better. They love praising others, rewarding people, recognizing the talents in others, showing signs of appreciation, among other positive emotion inducing actions."

I loved it and was immediately able to relate to what the words meant. My mother would always tell me that I love easily, get hurt and then cry over relationships, be it with friends, or family or men, that did not work out. What "loving easily" means is that I give without any expectation of receiving. Not all people are capable of giving love. Because there is always a hook right?! What will I get in return? :-) That is fine; it is human to think that way. However, when I know that is not going to work out with a family member/man/friend, I mourn the loss of that relationship. Earlier, before I really became self-aware, there was a large dose of pity party also thrown in that mourning. Now, the size and the duration of the pity party for myself is reducing. :-) Again, it is okay because guess what I too am a human being!If all I know is to love with an open heart, then so be it! It scares me bad that I am going to get hurt. I'd rather get hurt than be safe!

So, this is what I have "purchased" for myself from the Universe - Emotional Generosity. And I am grateful for that purchase!

Source: http://skylinestrategy.net/why_skyline_

Day 28 - Daily Routine

2011-09-28T22:59:00.000-04:00

Today, I am committed to going to bed way before midnight. So, I am going to be laser specific with my post and keep it to only 2 paragraphs, okay one, alright fine, I will do four paragraphs!Daily Routine suddenly seems boring, doesn't it? I am the kind of person who craves variety in my life. Even the way I romance somebody varies from day to day! P.S - No inquisitive questions about this please. If you are the lucky guy, then you will know! :-)

However, I have also realized the merit in maintaining a routine for myself. It teaches me self discipline, time management and balance, which I absolutely love in my life! The one consistent feedback that I get from people is that I am my word. I don't say things that I don't mean; when I say that and I realize that I did not mean it at all, then I don't let my ego get the better of me. I fess up, I apologize, I do what it takes to make it right with the other person. I sincerely believe that I balance everything that I am doing and am able to stay true to my word because I am very disciplined. Well, there are times I slip; then again, I am human enough to forgive myself and get back on the horse!My "daily routine" and my ability to stick with it helps me with maintaining a high level of integrity in my life.

When I wake up in the morning, I first thank God for blessing me with another beautiful day. There are days when I am absolutely worried or upset about something and I forget it. Those are the days when I really should be sticking to my routine instead of pitying myself or worrying about things over which I have no control. I meditate for 15 minutes.
After I brush my teeth, I perform a mirror exercise. I first thought it was the silliest exercise ever. But I decided to try it regardless. I noticed how uncomfortable I was just looking at myself in the mirror and smile joyously. The trick is not to "act" to the reflection in the mirror but to be with the person in the mirror. I don't know the result of this exercise but I am going to keep it up for the next 30 days and see what comes out of it.

As I am preparing tea and breakfast for myself, I stretch well. My back pain due to my herniated disc in my neck has reduced because of this activity. I don't remember the business mogul who stretches every morning. If a busy man like him can take the time to take care of his body, I sure can do that too! As I am sipping tea from my gigantic cup, I read a chapter from a motivational book that gets me started for the day. After I shower, I ALWAYS pray to a Higher Being. I set my intention for the day and get started with my day. When I end my day, I am getting back into the practice of writing the things that I am grateful for that day!

So much for laser focus. This has become a long post. However, by doing this, I am able to nourish myself and actually be present to the people in my life about whom I care, including myself. It is absolutely worth it!

Day 27 - After dark

2011-09-28T00:17:00.000-04:00

After dark...hmm.. This topic is really making me think! Ohhh, I know what I am going to write about.

When I used to live in California, near Los Angeles, to be precise, I went to Universal Studios. I loved taking random pictures with the characters who roamed around the grounds. That is not what I am going to write about. I purchased something in LA. Sticky, fluorescent, glow stars. It was a packet full of stars that you can stick on the ceiling and that glows in the dark. I was very fascinated by it and I wanted to stick it in the ceiling of the bedroom.

I am not tall enough to reach the ceiling. Bummer, I should have thought of that! :-) I improvised and stuck these stars on the wall adjacent to my bed. These stars did not glow throughout the night; at least I don't know if they did. It was a "warm" feeling to see these "lights" glow in the dark and it was one of my childish pleasures.

Another childish pleasure that I carry on to this age is to have a wind chime in my bedroom or in a place where I can hear the chimes go ting-a-ling- when the wind brushes by.
I used to love going to sleep listening to that sound. I wish I have words to describe it. It just was a happy sound for me, much like a baby's happy gurgle.

Have you ever gone to sleep, listening to sounds that soothe your heart?

Day 26 - Something old

2011-09-26T23:10:00.000-04:00

So today's post is about something old. Again, I did not have to think for long. The first person who pops to my mind is my grandmother. I don't think I have come across a more broadminded person like my grandmother. My grandmother has only studied till the 8th grade. She does not have a college education. She is the bold woman, who decided to send my mother to college to do her Masters degree. In those days, it was something that was unheard of. My grandmother wanted my mother to be educated, which my grandma herself is not! She is also a very smart woman. She has picked up words in the English language. Walk up to her and say "Hello, How are you?". She will respond back with "Fine!"

She was also the first person to ask me to divorce my husband, when she heard about my abusive marriage. Amidst all the turmoil that I was going through, I remember being surprised about my grandmother's boldness and clarity in expression.

My Patti ( Patti = Grandma in Tamil) is recovering from an injury to her head. All those who believe in prayer and God, please send one for my bold Patti. She wants to live to see me get married again and I am committed to send positive energies her way so that she can live to see her dream!

Here is a picture of my ultra cool Patti, listening to the iPod / iPhone

Day 25 - Sunflare

2011-09-25T11:41:00.000-04:00

Sunflare? What am I going to write about a sunflare? I know I will write about the next best thing - Solar Eclipse! This post is not related to astronomy! However, let me tell you an incident that happened while I was growing up in India.

India can be a confusing place sometimes. The country is progressively in economy, science and technology and is also steeped in religious practices and superstitions. One such superstition surrounds the solar eclipse. When there is a solar eclipse, life pretty much comes to a standstill in India. No cooking, bathing or eating. I can't remember if we are allowed to drink water. Anyway, you get the picture! Mercifully, these solar eclipses are pretty quick; the ,moon is smaller and moves by pretty fast from its path between the Sun and the Earth.

We experienced a total solar eclipse in India. What this means is that the sun was totally covered by the shadow of the moon. I was awaiting eagerly to watch all of this. And remember, I was awaiting eagerly without having showered, drunk water or having eaten. If you have not showered in an Indian weather and with no AC, it is sooooooo uncool! :-) All said and done, it was a beautiful sight to watch. The earth suddenly went dark and for a few minutes, I understood the importance of sun. When the moon is ready to eclipse the sun completely with this shadow, it formed a beautiful diamond ring .I did not take pictures of the "diamond ring" in the sky; however, I downloaded this picture to show it to you guys. It is said that total solar eclipses are rare and one probably gets to see only one in their lifetime. I am glad I did!

I am going to hunt down when the next total solar eclipse is and put myself in that part of the world to experience another eclipse!

Courtesy: http://childfriendlynews.com/what-is-an-eclipse

Day 24 - A Smile

2011-09-25T01:05:00.001-04:00

I was waiting for today's post! I had a revelation not too long ago and wanted to attribute this post to this person/place/thing. You have to look through the entire post to know what I am talking about!Till you scroll down, enjoy this!

I did not have to think for long to realize that I am grateful for my smile. When I was going through my darkest hours in life, I remember praying to God, that I do not lose the ability to smile. And I did not! There is not a single picture that I have taken in the USA where I am not consciously smiling. I also remember that smiling at the camera did not come easily to me while I was growing up in India.

So, I have to thank the USA for providing all that I can take to grow myself in this process of stepping into my womanhood and my magical smile. This does not mean that I was "broken" and that the USA or Landmark or Toastmasters or whatever it is that I am passionate about, "fixed" me! It only means that the environment allowed for a lot of opportunities that which I had known had existed.

Well, apart from other qualities, my smile is what I am known for and I might as well flaunt it and I dedicate this post to my second "Motherland", the USA!

Day 23 - Sunset

2011-09-23T23:36:00.003-04:00

Have you ever watched a sunrise or a sunset? I can't make up my mind which one of these I love the most. Is it sunrise because it symbolizes the beginning of a new day with a new attitude and perception of reality; or is it the sunset where another day of our delicious life goes by and we let the past rest with the sun, taking with us only the lessons learned!

Well, I don't think such profound thoughts every time the sun rises or sets. But these thoughts come up every once in a while. One of my dreams is to rent one of the cottages and watch the sun set in the Grand Canyon. I have heard that it is the most beautiful and surreal experience, next only to the sunrise! As I was writing this post, I realized that I have had the utmost pleasure of watching the sun set in a ocean, in a busy city, between the trees! The only thing remaining for me is to watch sunset in Hawaii and in Grand Canyon. Yeah, that's it! :-)

Sunset across the Atlantic Ocean Sunset across the Shore Temple, India

Day 22 - Trees

2011-09-22T02:20:00.000-04:00

Getting an Internet connection was a little tricky today. I almost gave up and then remembered that I AM my word! So, I am writing this post with a lot of sleep in my eyes!

I don't necessarily equate Manhattan to trees. There is no space for the trees, anyway. When we, as a Toastmaster club, celebrated our success at Quogue, the place caught me by total surprise. There are few places in the USA that remind me of Nature at its greenest - Arkansas, Virginia and Austin! Now, I am going to have to include Quogue in that list. After driving through a long driveway, we arrive at the scene of the party. "A" gave me a tour of the house and I could not stop beaming. There were beautiful windows in every single room , gently allowing the sun rays to dance amongst the furniture. There were no curtains to contain this sunlight. It was not necessary; there were layers of trees around to provide that privacy. The bedroom too had skylights, large windows that opened to the trees and the pool. I heartily wished I owned that place! :-)

Day 21 - Pretty pattern

2011-09-21T08:28:00.002-04:00

I know I am not going to have the time this evening to post this. So, I am keeping up with my commitment and posting this now!

I love all kinds of patterns except for what is termed as Modern Art. That confuses me and I have no idea what I am looking at. There is a pattern that consistently keeps popping in my mind, the symbol "Om".

I am a practicing Hindu, well, I am not religious but I am very spiritual. I love being a Hindu because this religion gives me the freedom to pray however I want to pray and whoever I want to pray to or not pray at all. There is no right or wrong. "Om" is a word consistently used in this religion. There are several approaches to understanding this word. If interested, you can check it out here.

What I love about "Om" is that for me, it means "Nothing" . It literally means nothing, no reference to God, no reference to humans, no reference to anything at all. Yet, the power of this single word is such that it generates positive vibrations within us, when used. It creates an instant atmosphere of calm and serenity. Walk into a Hindu temple when this word is chanted. Then you will know what I am talking about. This is such a powerful and loving feeling.

I equate my meaning of the word "Om" to what I think about communication; Make your words powerful and loving enough that others are washed in that love and peace all the time. Why waste it in anything else?

P.S This is a very sensitive subject for me, that which I hold dearly to my heart. I understand that you may have different opinions about this. However, I ask that you be gentle with your words to express your opinions. I want to hear what you have to say and I'd appreciate if you consider my needs around this subject as well. Thanks!

Day 20 - What you read

2011-09-20T22:42:00.001-04:00

Today has been a long day for me! The last thing on my mind is reading. However, I love to read. There is a sense of stillness when I read and I love that. When I close my eyes to think about my parents, I can picture my mother reading one of her books in the patio or on the sofa in the living room or imagine my dad TRYING to read. If the words are small, then my Dad will actually be reading them out aloud. It sounds like a loud prayer to me, when I walk past him.

Every single time I travel, you can count on me to carry at least one book. If I am on an international travel, count me on to get very ambitious and carry 5 books. I don't read all five but it gives me a great deal of pleasure to carry those books around! With the iPad in my life, I am tickled pink about downloading books and reading them.

I love to read self help books ; Life is a continuous journey of learning and transforming. I don't want to forget that in the business of living! I also have a great fancy for murder mysteries,ranging from Agatha Christie when I was younger to John Grisham! I still remember that I used to walk to my neighboring library on Friday or Saturday evenings, collect an armful of books to read over the week end, when the rest of the family is watching TV. I also remember the time when my Dad walked into my room and I was not studying my study books but reading Shakespeare. My Dad could not figure out if he should shout at me for not studying or appreciate me for reading Shakespeare! He told me to finish the Shakespeare and get back to my books! :-)

I am too tired now and am not quite able to rake my brains to write about anything special today. So this is it! I will catch you later in the next post!

Day 19 - Where you slept

2011-09-19T22:41:00.001-04:00

I had been gloating about today's subject of the blog to my newly formed blog-friend. I had made up my mind last night that I would write about my Oh-so-wonderful-I-cannot-believe-it-is-not-a-cloud- mattress. And I changed my mind just now as I sat down to write! I sleep on Tempurpedic mattress and they have been designed for sore bodies, for sure! If you work hard and play hard, sleep soft on Tempurpedic! And no, I don't get any financial remuneration from Tempurpedic for this plug!

Today, I am going to write about some goofy thing that I did when my parents were visiting me. We were playing some board games one night and we decided that it would be an ultra cool idea to bring out the camping gear and camp in the living room, just for grins! Once a goofy idea has been decided upon, it has to be enacted immediately, again just for grins. So, out came the tent and it was pitched immediately in the living area. My mother was the most enthusiastic of all! She crept into the tent and settled down nicely. My father, the cautious one, circled the tent with amusement, wondering if he should participate or try to remain serious. I was the official photographer of this delicious moment. I could not stop laughing. I can't remember if we carried forward the goofiness and slept in the tent throughout the night but we sure did have a good time camping in the living room!

This is where I slept, rather wanted to sleep!

P.S I am not in this picture and I have masked the face all individuals for a reason!

Day 18 - in my bag

2011-09-18T19:43:00.003-04:00

What is in my bag? Well, I don't want to divulge that information. But let me tell you this; I told y'all earlier that I love shoes. There is another thing that I love - handbags. Again, mercifully, I am not a shop-holic. I am very targeted in my shopping and when I do, there may be a handbag involved too.

I had a small pet peeve with most of the handbags that I saw in India. They had really long straps, which made the handbags dangle all the way close to my thighs. And then there were other gorgeous bags, but that which had small handles which really cannot be slung over the shoulders. I am one of those who want to leave my hands free and not carry handbags in my hand. In the USA, my small American pet peeve is that some of these handbags are too heavy! So, I hit upon a combination that works best for me when I shop for bags in India or the USA - Moderate handles which allows me to carry the handbag in my hand or sling it across the shoulders, if I choose to.

I also go for bold colors in my handbags. I had an orange colored handbag earlier. I had organized an event in Dallas, to escort all my American friends to celebrate the Indian Independence Day. We took pictures, of course and I send the picture to my mother. I get a call from my mother the next day, asking me to gift her the orange hand bag. I tried to find the another bag like that and did not get any. So, I ended up gifting my mother my favorite orange handbag. These days, when I get the urge the buy a handbag, I buy two good ones - one that I can hang on and the other to freely give away to my mother, if I get the call from her! :-)

I looked for the photo of the orange handbag. I don't have it! So, I am going to do the next best. I do not own a red handbag. Suddenly, I am all about the red this year. AND My birthday is coming up in 3 months. HINT HINT !!!

:-)

Day 17 - On the shelf

2011-09-17T20:48:00.001-04:00

I looked at the date today and I am fairly proud of myself. It has been 17 days since I started this blog marathon and I have been keeping it up pretty well.

One thing that I know about myself is my ability to create a home for myself, no matter where I am! I love my place to be my palace, a safe place, a loving space, a comfortable and relaxing area, my little heaven on earth.

One of the things that makes this heaven on earth for me is when I am surrounded by rich memories from the past. I also love books, jewelery, trinkets that I collect from my travels. I look at these trinkets, I am reminded of the various places that I had been to, the people with whom I have spoken, the conversations that we have had, the thoughtfulness of my friends, the (good and bad) incidents that occurred in my travels. Yes, what is in my life are what fills me with a lot of joy, that which adds an additional sparkle to my eyes, that which lets me know what I wonderful world in which I live!

Day 16 - What you ate

2011-09-16T16:45:00.001-04:00

What I ate today was unbelievably bad! So, I am not going to write about that! I am grateful that I did not cook that! :-)

While growing up in India, I did not mistakenly walk into a kitchen. I was studying for my Masters degree, while working. I had also enrolled in a Computer Systems Application course. Not to mention coming up with creative ways to sock money for my education, both my brothers' education and participating in music lessons, which I was absolutely not interested in participating! I did not have the energy or the inclination to walk into a kitchen to learn to cook.

Ahh, I think that is a missed opportunity now. I love to cook. It is a warm sensation to cook for someone I love. I don't know to do a whole lot of dishes but whatever I do, I put a lot of care and attention to it. And I am game for trying and learning new dishes! When I go back to India, I now have the pleasure of cooking for my parents, which I relish! My parents are also pleasantly surprised to taste my cooking, well they were surprised to even know that I can cook!

So, what I am going to write today is about what I cooked for the Indian Thanksgiving this January. I had just then come back from India and was missing my parents a lot, missed being in India. So, I invited my best friend, I, over for the Indian Thanksgiving dinner. I had prepared a lot of rice items that are specifically prepared for this festival. I had also made a potato dish. What came as a pleasant surprise to me is that potatoes are a big deal in Russia. My friend enjoyed it a lot and I enjoyed her company and our conversation! Gooooooooooood times!

Day 15 - My shoes

2011-09-15T18:38:00.003-04:00

Shoes - Yay! Well, I am not a shopaholic. Thankfully, I make very swift decisions when shopping and the things that I buy for myself or for others are always welcomed and appreciated. Not that anybody would say unkind things to my face. :-)

You know what they say: "Good things come in small packages". I am one of those "good things" that come in small packages .i.e. I am SHORT! So, I modify this saying and say " Good things come in small packages and I jack it up in heels" I LOVE to wear heels. The roads in India does not lend itself to heels. So the shoes that are generally sold in different parts of India don't have the heels that I look for!

Can you imagine my sheer delight when I saw the heeled shoes in the USA? I receive consistent good feedback from men and women, alike, that my shoes are fabulous! Without any further ado, here are some of the sample pictures! Disclaimer: This does NOT mean that I only have four pairs of shoes!

P.S My grandmother has been admitted to the ICU. Can you please send your good wishes to my grandmother and my mother? My mother forgets to take care of herself when she is caring for others. I'd like for her to receive love and support to take care of herself too!

Day 14 - Flowers

2011-09-14T20:13:00.001-04:00

Flowers - What girl does not love flowers? Growing up in India, I got into this habit of decorating my hair with flowers. For the non-Indians reading this post, this is a cultural act in the Southern part of India. I loved the fragrance of the flowers, the deft way in which they are tied together so that we can actually use it on the hair. I also feel slightly sad when these flowers wither away in the heat.I don't really have a picture that shows this but trust me, the beauty of an Indian woman is enhanced when she adorns herself with these flowers. After I had cut my hair short, it is not possible for me to wear flowers in my hair the way I used to do so before. I wore layers of flowers around my hair up-do for my brother's wedding. Again, sorry, I don't have any pictures. Almost all the guests at my brother's wedding were surprised that an American ( that would be me!) is dressed up in an Indian style. Sounds very ironic but those were the remarks I heard!

Now, flowers here in the USA, appear to refer to bouquets or a single flower that one can use to decorate the hair. I have not yet been bold enough to wear a single rose / flower in my hair in the USA so far. However, I had the utmost pleasure of buying and receiving bouquets. If you know me, then you know that I am a colorful personality. (with no humility, might I add!) I LOVE, absolutely LOVE flowers of different colors. Given a choice of choosing between a bouquet of single colored flowers or varied colors, I will always choose the variety. Flowers are joyous themselves. There is something that stirs in me when I see a colorful bunch. As much as I love flowers, I love vibrant colors too. There is a neat saying that I came across "“Flowers leave some of their fragrance in the hand that bestows them”. Neat eh?

Check out the flowers that I had purchased to brighten up my apartment space, in winters or during a snow storm or a hurricane or whatever be the occasion. Even the flowers that I have gifted others are multicolored.

Day 13 - From a distance

2011-09-14T00:12:00.003-04:00

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am an outdoors person. In fact, it was my Mom's biggest complaint that I am an outdoors person. There is something to be said about the fresh air, the warm sun, the cool breeze and the surroundings that invigorate me! So, when a chance for posting a picture from a distance came up, I immediately perked up and decided that it will have something to do with Nature.

Recently, I visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona. I have been to the Canyon at least 3 times and it does not cease to amaze me. Yes, there are other canyons surrounding the Grand Canyon, which are supposedly better than the Grand Canyon itself. I, however, have not mastered the art of managing the heat in Arizona! So, I politely stick with the Grand Canyon.

There are 3 rims to the Canyon that are open to the public - North, South and West. I have never been to the West Rim and decided that now is a good time as any to visit it. The canyon was "subdued" and "silent" as it always seems. There is a silent beckoning that calls to the spirit and I feel this every time I look into the vast crevice that is the canyon. The canyon itself forms shapes and sizes that are surreal. Check out this picture below. I think that the majesty of the canyon is depicted appropriately by this rock formation.

The West Rim of the Grand Canyon holds special significance for me, this year! Delightful situations, that I normally would not anticipate, happened! Let me just say that the trip to the Canyon was worthy!

Day 12- Close up

2011-09-12T22:53:00.001-04:00

I was looking at my collection of pictures to see what best fits a close-up . I had decided on the picture of my father, rather his nose and then I came across this picture. This is my Srilankan / German sister-in-law, who is probably going to ticked off that I called her a Srilankan. :-) This picture was taken in Germany, right after my she and my brother got married. She took it in her head to pose for a picture like this and now I have the pride and joy of posting it in my blog. I have to hand this to the women of my family; we are all fun-loving and can be completely silly, at times.

The picture of the nose is my dearest Father's. You may be tempted to ask why this picture was taken and I will satisfy your temptation. My Dad wanted me to buy him an ice-cream. It was an "Italian ice cream" and looks like shaved ice with orange syrup and is served in an actual orange. I promise, I am not making this up! I vowed to myself to go to Italy and see if they really make ice creams like this! Anyway, my Dad was munching on the ice cream. The orange syrup in the "Italian ice cream" made his lips orange and the tip of his nose too. I was so amused by this that I HAD to take a picture of my Dad's orange nose tip!

So, here are two close-ups of goofy shots from my family members. Thank you, people, for living up to the family's reputation. :-) I love you, guys!

Day 11 - Something fun

2011-09-11T20:02:00.003-04:00

Something fun!Hmmm.. What is fun in my life right now, is salsa! I have been taking salsa lessons for almost a month a half now. When I chose salsa as the "western dance" that I am going to learn, I chose it for a simple reason - I wanted to be "less uptight". Please let me explain. :-)

I have danced my entire school life, mostly classical Indian dance - Bharathnatyam. For the foreigners reading the blog, skip the word, if you can't pronounce it and take a look at the picture! This form of dance is traditional and emphasis is on posture, form and facial expressions. This dance form is mostly done in solo, where I am in control of my movements, dancing in rhythm to the song. Any creative form of expression will call for a release from self-judgment and let those expressions flow. This dance form was no expression.

BUT

this dance form does not call for a partner, whom you can hold, with whom you have to coordinate your moves, step for step. Now, are you beginning to see what I meant by "uptight"? I have never had to coordinate my bodily movements with anybody, EVER! So, the concept of dances in the Western culture intrigued me a lot. I chose the salsa because not only did it involved a partner but also it was light and fun. Gosh, only when I started learning to salsa, I realized how much I lead. I felt this overpowering need to control my movements but the leader, the man, is the only who is supposed to do that. So, learning salsa turned out to be fun and such a learning and growing experience for me, to let go of that control and to be able to just dance with the man!

To add a twist to this tale, let me end with this thought: I realize that life, particularly, relationships is a dance where we change the beat and step according to the partner's mood. If the ultimate destination is joy and love, will you dance with complete abandon with your partner? I will!

Day 10 - Something you made

2011-09-10T21:55:00.000-04:00

I have always had this fascination for fused glass. Anytime there is a fair in Dallas that I am able to attend, I'd be sure to check out the glass blowing session, if there is any. The kind of play between fire and glass is magical to watch. I started to get very intrigued about this art. I came across a "glass workshop" in Dallas. According to the workshop, we will get to "play" with glass arranging pieces of glass in patterns that we "speak" to us. Once the arrangement is made, then piece will be placed in a fire kiln, allowing for the fire to fuse these glass patterns over a period of 24 hours.

Of course, my curiosity was piqued. I signed up for one of these workshops on a Friday night to see what this is all about. To begin with, I get a rectangular piece of glass and access to a small workshop, with bottles filled with different colored glass shreds. Using the glue brush, I paint the glue on the rectangular piece of glass, sprinkle colored glass pieces over the glued surface, in any pattern that I choose.

This was my first attempt with glass. So I was cautious. I chose the bold color of red well, because it is a bold color. I fix a bright colored glass piece in the center and sprinkle red and white glass shreds in a simplistic pattern. I want all the glass shreds to fuse completely with the rectangular glass base. Once the gluing is complete, I hand over the piece to be heated in the kiln. After 24 hours, I get this piece. This is the first time I have "created" something in physical space. I am unbelievably proud and use this piece as my watch(es) holder. I also knew that this would be a very expensive hobby for me to sustain. So I stop with this "creation", knowing that this work of art is all mine and the fire's.

If you know me, then you know that I have a fair amount of fused glass jewelry. It merely ties in with my passion of fire and glass. I have heard that such glass work is famous in Italy. I cannot wait to see this! Alright, alright, I will wait till I get the vacation time off, the visa and the tickets! Till then enjoy my "masterpiece".

Day 9 - Faceless self portrait

2011-09-09T22:15:00.004-04:00

Having lived in the USA for a while, I have come to appreciate four different seasons - Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Madras,India, the place where I was born and raised, had only two seasons - Rain and Summer! My favorite season, in the USA, is the Spring. To me, spring denotes the birth of a new "era" for that year. It is almost as if Mother Nature is telling us to put the past in the past and look forward to everything else that we can possibly enjoy that year.

As much as I like spring, I am fascinated with Fall, particularly the colors. As an Indian, I never realized understood the "concept" of Fall till I feasted my eyes on the varying colors in the landscape. To explain it to an Indian who has not experienced Fall, I'd probably say that Fall is summer at its mildest. Texas, my home state, does not lend itself to Fall colors. If you were to drive up north of Texas, to Arkansas, the Natural State, the scenery changes immediately. The trees, shyly, shedding their leaves as though they were getting ready to rest for the night, winter; the soft crunch and rustling of the fallen leaves, the sunset creating a romantic setting almost instantly, well, what can I say, the fall colors in Arkansas is mesmerizing.

In celebration of posting a "faceless self portrait" today, I am posting a dark picture of myself amidst the setting that is fall in Arkansas. To beauty and to the eyes that can behold it anywhere!

Day 8 - Technology

2011-09-08T20:52:00.000-04:00

YAY! Technology! I am the kind of person who does not want to be hooked up by technology because it takes away from me an opportunity to interact with someone in person. At the same time, I also realize the marvels of technology and see how it can bring me closer to another human being. I make cross-continental calls almost every day and feel as though the person(s) with whom I am talking is/are in my living room with me.

I was deliberating about the iPad2. The first thought that came to my mind was around reading. One of my passions is to read. However, carrying all the bulky books around when I really want to travel light was becoming a pain in the neck, literally. Yet another thought struck me. My Dad has been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and he has problems reading small letters. He also loves to listen to music and is practically married to the CD Player that I had gifted him earlier. Okay, he still is married to my mother too but you get the idea! I want to take the iPad to my Dad and see how comfortable he feels reading books on the device and listening to songs. If he falls in love with it, then he too gets an iPad as a gift. My mother is also technologically advanced! There is an excellent chance that she'd learn to love the iPad and probably teach my Dad about it! So I got myself an iPad2.

Now, isn't that an additional excellent reason to get an iPad- to use it as a trial run on my parents? I am VERY excited about the reading that I am finally going to get done. I am uber excited about showing this off to my parents and see if they like it for themselves too.

This picture was taken nearly 6 years ago and that is my Mom, blushing like a newly wedded bride and that is my Dad, the Superman, rescuing my mother from the throes of the nasty Indian traffic! WORD!

Day 7 - Something new

2011-09-08T00:11:00.000-04:00

This post made me think a lot. What is it that is something new to me, that which I did not have before? Could it be public transportation experience? After having lived in Texas and zipping through in my car, public transportation was and sometimes still is new to me! Is that what I am going to write about? NAH! So, I put on my thinking cap and realized that this something "new" in my life is not necessarily related to thinking! It has to do with my creative side, that I have been tapping into lately for the oh-I-want-double-helpings-of-so-much-delicious fun!

When I started to organize my life effectively around time by planning my time, I realized that I did not have a lot of fun things going on in my life. It was easy to get caught up in long hours at work, recuperating from work, groceries, cooking, making international calls to family at odd hours and the list of responsibilities goes on. With the current kick-ass, self-development program that I am doing with Landmark Education, I really paused and took a good look at my life. How can I juggle recreation and absolute delicious fun into my already full. really busy life? It took some discipline and creativity! WINK!

I blog every day when participating in a blog marathon, otherwise I blog every week, I make it a point to sing as loudly as possible in the shower, when I cook, heck if I can throw in some dance moves, so be it, I enjoy my salsa dance lessons, which I go to, rain or more rain ( this is the weather forecast in New York right now!), I go cycling in Central Park and feel the cool wind on my arms and get goosebumps, I write a gratitude journal every day reminding myself of 10 things for which I am grateful!

Does this count as "something new"? Assolutamente. Here's best part.By deliberately tapping into my creative side, I have been able to quieten the busy mind, concentrate more, generate innovative ideas for situations that I thought could not be changed, bring lighthearted-ness and joy to all that do. Isn't that wicked cool? I'll catch you later in my next post!

P.S The last paragraph is dedicated to my silent reader, who I know is going to smile the bewitching smile when (s)he reads it!

Day 6 - Childhood memory

2011-09-06T18:08:00.000-04:00

I did not have to think a lot about this. I knew right away what my favorite childhood memory was. Well, it is not a single memory. It is a collective memory of my school days. I just loved being in school and I am undeniably proud of my school - Kendriya Vidyalaya

This was the school where I stayed the longest. My father had a transferable job and I remember shuttling from one school to another. I did not mind it much. However, when I finally joined the Kendriya Vidyalaya, it was such a bliss to not move around so much. I loved being in that school. That was the place where I realized that I can sing, dance, act, read poems, present speeches, get excellent grades and develop myself as a leader. There have been plenty of instances when students will reach out to me for guidance, will rely on me to make the team event a success. I learned there, in that school, that I am a talented person. I was completely unaware of that till then. I remember walking up to the stage, year after year, every year to get awards for almost all extra curricular activities, academics. I was not good with sports like the track events. Heck, I'd participate regardless and get a "participation" certificate.

My school was a second home to me and I am exceedingly grateful for all that was provided to me. Apart from my parents, my country(USA and India), my Indian culture, the influence of the Western culture, I am proud to say that school played a big hand in shaping my past!

Day 5: Someone I love

2011-09-05T21:57:00.000-04:00

Someone I love, hmmm! This is going to be a challenge for me because I am going to push through my comfort zone to write this post. I was thinking about what I am going to have to write; my family, my friends, myself! None of this seemed to inspire me! Not that I don't love any of them but the content of the post did not quite come together in my imagination for me to jump up and say "Aha, this is it". And then, something happened. I had an inspiration to write about something, that which I don't ever talk about to anybody, may be not even to myself. Now, writing that is certainly a breakthrough waiting to happen. So here goes!

Here's what I am going to write about: The kind of guy that I want in my life as a life partner. I had been in an abusive marriage before and knew that it is going to be a while before I get to the stage where I want someone in my life. I'd love to be in a committed and loving relationship with an emotionally expressive, single and available man, who adores me for who I am! Well, these are my deal breakers. My personal opinion is that a relationship is a place where you go to give and not just receive. This, to me, means that I am also emotionally expressive and have the ability to accept a person for who they are and who they are not. Apart from this, I'd want for my leading man to be kind and respectful to his parents, be courageous enough to do the right thing, value communication and basically have a sense of joy around whatever he does.

I don't know who he is and I don't know where he is. All I know is that I am ready for such a love in my life. Whoever he is, he has my commitment to unconditional love, unbridled joy and authentic communication with grace!

Day 4 - Favorite Color

2011-09-04T12:49:00.000-04:00

Today is all about colors, well, my favorite color! I was and still am scratching my head to figure out what my favorite color is. I used to very fascinated with black, white, grey and beige earlier. Then I got re-introduced the colorful beauty that is my country - India. India is a land of colors, cultures, traditions, family, religion, beauty, shyness, resilience, food, entrepreneurship, arts & artifacts and did I mention colors already?

What strikes me about colors in India is the stunning variety that one finds even in the most "mundane" colors. There are different shades of blues, reds, oranges, whites; the array is mind blowing. After my first trip to India, I brought back all shades of colors to my living space. Off with the beige, white and black and in come all shades of reds, blues, greens and more reds!

My personal transformation, in terms of wardrobe color change, happened in 2010. I now flaunt the most vibrant colors that I can pull off and rarely do I wear whites or blacks or grey! Even if I wear them, it will be to balance the colorful outfit that I am wearing! I came across this quote and I think it is more apt in my situation "My appearance has changed a lot over the years, but it has far more to do with how I feel about being a woman".

With that said, I don't have a favorite color. All colors of the rainbow are my favorite colors. After all , these colors are around for us to enjoy!

Day 3 : Clouds

2011-09-03T19:08:00.005-04:00

I am a big fan of the outdoors. I enjoy the blessed sun, the cool breeze, the trees gently swaying, the birds chirping, the blue sky, the cotton-like white clouds! And I love to travel. To me, travel does not have to mean to pack the bags and go out of town only. It could also mean going to a part of the city where you live in that you had been unaware of, going to a park and enjoying what Mother Nature has provided for us, breaking the monotony of life.

I went to Miami last year and loved the beach a lot. My friends and I went on a boat ride in Key West, to enjoy the sunset. At first, I did not think too much about it. Well, a sunset is a sunset is a sunset! However, when I saw the sun set on the horizon of the Atlantic ocean, it was a sight that stopped me in my tracks. The sky was painted in pristine gold. For once, words fail me and I am glad they do. Here is the snapshot of what I saw in Miami!

Day 2 - What you wore

2011-09-02T20:24:00.002-04:00

Day 2: The picture that I have to look for is about what I wore. Let me tell you a story, first! I adore my parents. I had always done that since I was a child and only now am I finding the courage and the right words to tell them that I adore them! It is not ingrained in the Indian culture to go around telling your parents that you adore them. Well, here I am re-writing that aspect of the culture!

Growing up, I don't recall asking my parents to buy me anything or do anything for me. I was this independent person, who did everything for herself, for her brothers, for the family. I remember walking around in really bad shoes, when I was in high school because asking for new shoes may have hit the family budget. My parents never asked me for this "sacrifice", yet I adopted this attitude. Lord knows why!

Now, I am learning something precious, that it is okay to ask for what satisfies my needs( not my wants, mind you!). Isn't it one of the most crucial aspects to learn to have a healthy relationship, not just with a guy, but also with the very people who gave birth to me and who allowed me to be who I am till now! My parents asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I asked them to buy me a white salwar kameez and they gladly did it. It was almost as if they were waiting for me to ask. This is the custom tailored white outfit that my parents lovingly presented to me, for my birthday a few years ago.

To my parents, effortless, joyous communication with them and everybody else around me and to my Indian-ness!

Day 1 - Self Portrait

2011-09-01T13:29:00.000-04:00

I decided to post every single day of the month and I came across this tag in Aarti's blog.

So, I jumped at this opportunity to post every day with pictures. Of course, I will be doing it with a twist.

Day 1 is about a self portrait. Well, I recently did such a tag last month and I think I am a little tired of posting my own picture. So in lieu of a self portrait, I want to post something of which I am symbolic, that which I embody and seek to continually improve - Self Esteem. Often times, we say something, someone reacts to it, then we react to the words/action/inaction , then there is more reaction and then we come up with the conclusion about ourselves, the situation, the other person and how we should "control" our behavior and theirs when such a situation arises again. In all these reactions, what we fail to realize is the power behind the words that are used. We forget that we train others in behaving with us, we train ourselves with the thoughts and emotions behind those thoughts.

I am very aware of the immense power of words. Words that we can use to talk to ourselves, words that we use to communicate to others our needs and hurt, our expectations, our love... Now how does this tie in with self esteem? Here's my take on it! When we get into these vicious patterns in our thoughts and beliefs about something / someone, first become aware that these are just thoughts and assumptions and perceptions in OUR OWN head and there may not be any truth to it UNLESS WE COMMUNICATE TO THE OTHER PERSON. Not all situations need to be addressed. However, if the situation deals with a person who is important to you and who you want in your life and/or who is going to be a part of your life, whether you like it or not, then COMMUNICATE. Use the power of words to express what is on your mind and find out what is going on with the other person. By DOING and not just by analyzing, thinking and "forgetting", self-esteem automatically improves. So, my self portrait for this post is that which I am extremely passionate about:

Unmessable hurricane

2011-08-27T11:02:00.004-04:00

So there is a hurricane headed towards New York city! Here's the map of its path!

Now, this is my first hurricane experience! Yes, we had Katrina before in Dallas. The beauty of Dallas is that NOTHING HAPPENS in Dallas! that is, in terms of natural events like this. I hardly felt the effect of Katrina in Dallas. In fact, I remember attending a volunteer event on the day Katrina passed by Dallas. There were some strong winds for 45 minutes, drizzled a little and that is it! Now, Irene is a different story. The name of the hurricane sounds impressive, right?! New York city is right in the path of the hurricane,smack dab in the middle of its path!This hurricane is barreling towards New York city, NO KIDDING! It is completely un-messable at this time!

Did I mention that it is my first hurricane experience? I am both excited and nervous! So, I did what I know to do best, stocked up on food, water, cooking for the week end, when I have electricity and reaching out to my family to let them know how to keep track of the hurricane in case I am unable to reach them later. Now, I have taken care of myself. What next? The people around me! I reached out my neighbor, who is elderly and living by herself, I reached out all my friends who are on the path of the hurricane to see if they are okay and taking necessary precautions or just to chat with them, reached out to all those friends who don't know a thing about the hurricane and find out what is going on in their lives and catch up in general. In doing all this for others, I realized that my nervousness about the hurricane calmed down. I realized again that I am surrounded by love and just love. In acknowledging how un-messable the hurricane is, I acknowledge that I too am un-messable in the face of this hurricane!

Alone vs. Lonely

2011-08-15T23:22:00.000-04:00

I realized something today that caused me to look up the difference between "alone" and "lonely". One of the meaning of the word "lonely" is "producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation" and the one of the meaning of the word alone is "separated from others".

I thought to myself that these two words really don't differ from each other in their meaning, except for their context. Merriam Websters dictionary also clarifies the difference between alone, lonely and solitary : "alone stresses the objective fact of being by oneself with slighter notion of emotional involvement than most of the remaining terms ; solitary may indicate isolation as a chosen course but more often it suggests sadness and a sense of loss; lonely adds to solitary a suggestion of longing for companionship"

I had thought I was alone here and I was fine with that. The nagging sense of restlessness in me was indicative of something else. Today, I realized that I was not feeling alone, I was feeling downright lonely. As human beings, we are conditioned for social contact. I don't have that right now at work because of the nature of my work. It was and still is easy for me to stay put in my home, despite my million interests that it was easy for me to go down this slippery slope from alone to lonely. While there are other things that I am working out in my mind, I realize that it is nice to have someone in your life who actually listens to what I am dealing with; just listen; nothing else. I find that very romantic. I ask for simple things. I am actually tired of being the person to whom people come to when there is something that they are dealing with. I am privileged that they'd do so. I wish nay long for someone in my life to just pick up the phone and say hello to me, just ask what's going on and just be with me!

1 picture

2011-08-11T23:43:00.001-04:00

I had this picture taken when my parents visited me in Dallas, Texas in 2007. It was my Mother's birthday and one of my birthday presents to her was a protrait picture set. My parents were thrilled to get their picture taken and I was ecstatic that they were. Amidst all the posing, the photographer wanted my picture too taken. This was one of the pictures taken which became a big hit with my parents, the photographer and his printing team and of course me! :-)

With today, I complete 10 consecutive days of blogging! There is just a sense of elation and fulfilment in me! YAY to my blog and my most ardent supporters - My mom and Irina! The rest of you, I know you are busy and reading my blog posts when time permits and I love you guys for doing that!

Two songs

2011-08-10T16:38:00.000-04:00

Heavens! Just two songs!!

2. All of A R Rahman's songs particularly this one

One picture of myself is up next!

3 films

2011-08-09T17:02:00.000-04:00

What are the 3 films that really rocked my world?

1. Guess who's coming to dinner: I saw this movie when I was in California, during my first year in the USA! Gosh, I absolutely loved it because of the way Sidney Poitier and every other cast played their role. The dialog was intentional, while at times angry, it was also respectful.

2. Sex and the city: I am not into what can be termed as "girlie" movies. However, I loved Sex and the City for the main reason that a couple chose to work on their marriage, accepting infidelity and lack of trust as a flaw, that they were able to put in the past. Now, I like that kind of romance, the one that is very real!

3. The Shawshank Redemption: This is a wonderful movie, which never ceases to be amaze me with the main character and his power of commitment, commitment to his freedom, to his peace of mind and commitment to friendship. It is clear from this movie that you don't have to go "GRRR" in order to be treated as powerful! There is a quiet strength in knowing yourself and that is true power!

4 books

2011-08-08T23:39:00.000-04:00

Four books! Of all the books that I have read so far, what are the four books that I can choose? I can't seem to remember my favorites. There are many favorites.

Growing up, I had developed the passion for reading. I remember how I used to go to nearby library on Friday evenings, collect an armful of books, read all of them through the week end! I was never a movie buff. And I am glad that I was a "geek"! I remember reading all of Sidney Sheldon and Jeffrey Archer's books, scouring the shelves for any other author that I can latch onto for a short period of time.

1. All of John Grisham's books: I had a fascination for his books. Not only did they give such an insight into American law but also followed a logical sequence.

2. Paul Coelho's "The Alchemist": This book spoke to me because I was in search of myself at that time. And then I realized that I did not have to go in search; it was all within me and as a human being, I have the ability to create every time I follow my heart ( and not just my mind!)

3. Suze Orman's "Money Class" I have not yet completed reading this book. I intend to read it and even before I have read it fully, I declare that I am going to love this book!

4. Elizabeth's Gilbert "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage": A colleague gave me this book. I loved how the author looked at different cultures, what marriages mean and don't mean. I think the ending to the book was slightly weak. However, I liked the one concept that book brought forth that we cannot seek a marriage to fulfill that which we don't have already, happiness!

Off to 3 films for tomorrow!

Five foods

2011-08-07T20:06:00.000-04:00

I am not really a foodie. I have learned and still am learning that no matter what I cook, I do it with a lot of care and attention, it turns out just great! Okay, here goes,

1. Potatoes: I love potatoes, no matter how they are prepared. I love it especially when it is combined with a few Indian dishes like "Vathalkozhambu" or "Rasam" ( Click on the links for recipes). Potato chips also fall under that category!

2. Mangoes: I love succulent mangoes with juice dripping down my hands. YUM!There are different kinds of mangoes and there is a specific season for specific kind of mangoes in India. Banganapalli mangoes are the juiciest and I love them!

3. Guavas: I love this fruit especially when it is ripe and ready to be eaten.

4. My mother's cooking!

5. Pomegranate juice: I like this because it is healthy. I love it because my father and I go to a nearby fruit stall in India, get a couple of glasses of juices and call it our "secret" even though it is not a secret!

6 Places

2011-08-06T23:16:00.000-04:00

Six places, hmmm.. that is going to be a challenge. Only 6??!!

1. Santa Fe, New Mexico: Every state in the USA has a descriptor that sums up the essence of the state. The tag line for New Mexico is "Land of Enchantment". Santa Fe has a special place in my heart. It is one of those places that caused a longing in my heart, to share that place with a special man in my life, to show that place around to this person and allow him to see it through my eyes. I don't have any special man in my life yet. So I go there, on my own. After all, I am special too! :-)

2. Chicago, Illinois: I love Chicago, the beautiful architecture that this city has. It is a treat to the eyes. I love the fact that there is a river that winds through the heart of the city. If only the weather is not this cold, I would have moved there in a heart beat!

3. New York, New York: What can I say about the Big Apple? I love the cultural diversity that is this city, the vibrancy and the opportunities for growth! It is home for now and I love being here!

4. San Francisco, California: I am a big fan of visual temptations to the eye and San Francisco provides that visual treat with its quaint Victorian style architecture, vast expanse of the mighty Pacific, cultural diversity and walker friendly neighborhoods. I love the beauty and majesty of the Pacific ocean. It is calmer near the shores of San Francisco and rougher near Monterey, which is closer to the Southern part of California. The angry and calmer combination of the ocean almost makes me want to be a poet!

5. Vancouver, Canada:I am thrilled that I was able to go to Vancouver. The views of the Pacific ocean take my breath away. Apart from that, I also love the greenness of the city and delightful mixture of laid back and bustling city lifestyle!

6. Dallas, Texas: In all my travels within North America, Dallas holds such a special place in my heart. What can I say? It is as much a home to me as much as my motherland, India is!

Tomorrow it is going to be 5 foods.

Seven wants

2011-08-05T23:25:00.001-04:00

Seven wants, nay needs! Listen up guys, this is where I reveal what women want. Read this blog and you will lead happy lives with the women in your lives! Just kidding!!

1. I NEED people around me; I love being in the mix of things. I am not always good at it and I love that it is a learning process for me!

2. I NEED my space. There are times when I just want to be with myself. I think I am fantastic company when I am not belaboring thoughts in my head! :-)

3. I NEED the blessed sun, the loving water around me. There is something that is so joyous about being in the sun that it just tickles me pink. Which explains why I wear generous amount of sunblock! I love love love water. I am going to get a water fountain, put it close to my bed so that I can sleep to that gentle, soothing lullaby.

4. I NEED to smile! I have a beautiful smile and I NEED to flaunt it! On a serious note, it is so much easier to go through life smiling than frowning!

5. I NEED love in my life. I am not referring to the hot and sweaty stuff but simple things like my mother calling me "snake baby", my sister-in-law calling me "VA" and not Vidya to the extent where I respond to VA only, my brother(s) who buy stuff for me in my absence too letting me know that I am on their minds, my friends who run to hug me as though I am their long-lost lover, who pick up the phone just to see how I am doing! Gosh, I NEED love and I feel so blessed to HAVE it!

6. I NEED dresses. I have developed a fascination for western dresses. Earlier, I used to hide my legs under pants. Ever since the Introduction Leaders Program at Landmark Education, I love and enjoy owning my beauty. Dresses bring that out and fit my personality. It is almost as if my outside matches the inside!

7. I NEED to talk. I am my Mother's daughter. So I will talk! :-)

8 fears

2011-08-04T22:35:00.000-04:00

Okay, today is all about fears! I am involved in a self analysis of fears within me and this post could not have come at a more appropriate time!

So what are my 8 fears and thank God, it is only 8!! :-)

1. I am afraid of judgmental people, who are negative in their assessments. I don't know how to be around them;

2. I am afraid of thunder. It bugs me, especially during thunderstorms in TX.

3. I am afraid of failure,of rejection. I am going to sneak in a love here. Despite the fact that I am afraid of failure or rejection, I still forge ahead with really bold actions. I LOVE IT!

4. I am afraid of success. Odd but true! What if I really made something that I am afraid of, actually happen?! :-) Well, sometimes, I am afraid of that!

5. I am afraid to let go, sometimes. Only when we let it go, will we truly know whether we had it or not! I am learning that!

6. I am afraid of uncertainty and it ties back to #5. Well, I am learning to live with uncertainty too!

7. I am afraid of ... (I am pretty bold person and I am really raking my brains to try to find out what else I am afraid of! )

8. I am afraid of fear itself. Sometimes, it paralyzes me without my knowledge. I realize that the more self-aware I become, the more aware I am of my own fears as well and how to be in action, despite them!

YES, I MADE IT! Tomorrow, it is 7 wants and true to my style, I will customize it 7 needs and not wants!

9 loves

2011-08-03T18:46:00.000-04:00

Today is all about 9 loves of my life! As I am sitting down to write this, I realize that what I wrote yesterday were not necessarily 10 secrets; they could also be 10 loves! :-)
So here goes,

1. I LOVE being with people, through good and bad times in their lives. I think that is what life is all about.

2. I LOVE to write. I know I will write a book, one day; I just don't know about what.

3. I LOVE my mother. I think she is the most amazing, open minded, fun loving, loving person that I have ever come across.

4.I LOVE my hobbies. Two hobbies that I know I will take to my grave are Toastmasters International and Landmark Education. Participation in both these hobbies fully has transformed my life completely.

5. I LOVE all the other really fun hobbies that I am adding to my list these days. Toastmasters and Landmark, while being good for the soul, also require me to introspect and work on myself. Other hobbies like blogging, salsa dancing, biking and now swimming really just let me be!

6. I LOVE scheduling my week. There used to be a time when my life was not organized and I did not have the work-life balance that I longed and craved. Slowly I started taking ownership of time and how to make the 24 hours work for me by scheduling my week. I am getting a lot accomplished and achieving that work-life balance that is important to me!

7. I LOVE the Health care industry. I think it is fascinating industry to be in because of its fluidity and challenges.

8. I LOVE my job! :-)

9. I LOVE ME, with all my perfections and imperfections.

Tomorrow is going to be a big one - 8 fears! :-)

10 Secrets

2011-08-02T19:21:00.000-04:00

So I was browsing this blog today and I came across this post about a 10-day Challenge posting marathon. I loved this concept, given that I was raking my brains about a fun and fictitious topic this month, the blog roll theme is "Fiction". I am going to write about myself for the next 10 days and hope to Dear God that all of this are real! :-)

Today's topic is to write about 10 secrets, so here goes:

1. I am a very bold person; bold to make changes in my environment, within myself that are in alignment with who I really am. In being a bold person, I realized that I am also very spiritual!

2. I love with all my heart. There is no holding back and I don't know how to hold back. This unconditional love goes for my family and friends.

3. There is one person who I don't accept with all my heart, all the time and that would be me! I am learning to accept my perfections and imperfections.

4. I am a travel bug. I love to travel and want to weave travel as a part of my life till the day I die!

5. I am a good cook. I don't know to cook a whole lot of recipes. However, what little I know, I do it with a lot of care and attention.

6. I love creating a better world for people around me. One of my passions is to create such a beautiful world for women who come from an abusive / domestic violent background.

7. I LOVE dogs. I am going to get myself a dog one of these days!

8. I love to sing and dance. More than singing, dancing is a passion of mine! I am learning Salsa now and will soon learn an Indian dance as well.

9. I love the water. There is something refreshing about the gentle sound of water and am reminded about the water fountain that I had earlier! That was bliss.

10. I love taking walks in the park, biking in the park; in a nut shell, the outdoors!

Tomorrow, it is about 9 loves. They will be an addition to the "10 secrets" that I have listed here! :-)

Swimming in uncertainty

2011-07-24T13:22:00.001-04:00

Have you ever been uncertain about anything in your life, not quite sure how you are going to make things happen, not sure how things are going to turn out? Well, I have an interesting revelation. The more self aware I become, the calmer I am of my own uncertainty around things. What is equally delicious is my realization and distinction around things that I can actually control and things that I cannot control. The things that I cannot control could be anything ranging from environmental factors, to Government regulations, to material objects and above all people.

We want people to behave in a certain fashion and react in a certain way. If they don't, then we get upset over their action or reaction. How many times have we tried to manipulate, strategize, emotionally blackmail another human being into who we think they should be?

With this increasing ability to swim with the uncertainties of life, of people, I am able to be more self-expressed around my needs, able to better establish my boundaries and generally be at peace around what I want to do without having to react to what others are saying/thinking/doing. This does not mean that I don't take responsibility for my actions. It just means that I trust myself and people around me! So here's to love and self-love!

Gratitude Journal

2011-06-02T21:00:00.000-04:00

I have been writing a gratitude journal for the past few weeks! I just decided that I am going to do this just to see what it makes available to me, as time goes by! There have been times when I have fallen asleep, woken up in a jolt to realize that I have not written my gratitude journal, and go write 10 things that I am grateful for that day!

This is a very nice journal that I had purchased when I was in Boston. I love the feel of the cover of the journal, the smooth papers and the ease with which the pen slides over the paper.

What I am learning is that I am getting into a habit of silence before I go to sleep, write ten things that I am able to write that I am grateful for that day!

I don't know what I am going to receive by following this exercise. This is the first time I have embarked on a journey where I really don't know what the result is going to be! I am curious and hope to become a fan!

Once upon a time...

2011-05-23T13:37:00.002-04:00

I am working through an exercise which calls for writing a mythological story, portraying me and my peeps are archetypal creatures! Instead of writing it in a piece of paper, I decided to let my imagination fly and write that on my blog.

"Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess in the magical kingdom of Vindhya. She was blessed with wonderful parents who provided the world of opportunities for her and showered her with limitless love. She grew up to be a smart and beautiful woman, who carried the responsibility for her life, with ease, on her shoulders.

She soon became the Queen of the Land. The people around her loved her, respected her and enjoyed her presence. She served as an inspiration to those who want to achieve greater things in their lives for themselves, she made herself available for those who are in need of her service and skills! She fancied and followed the "stereotypical" and "non-stereotypical" pursuits of a princess! This ranged from reading the Classics to boating and horse back riding, anything under the sun!

As Time went by, the Princess looked around herself, she saw that all other princesses found their Prince Charming, married them and ruled their kingdoms successfully. She started to wonder "Hmm.. When will I find my Knight in the Shining Armor? How is my life going to be after I find him? How is my relationship with him going to be? Do I have to give up all my passions in order to be married or can I be one of those people who can have it all including a delicious marriage and a successful Kingdom, my passions, his passions, and everything else in between?"

She realized that she wants, nay , needs is a life that is enriching and fulfilling for her and for whoever she wants to share that life. She wants her Prince Charming to be capable of unconditional love, unbridled joy and effortless communication. When she became aware of what she wanted in her Prince Charming, she then started to strive to be the woman with whom such a Prince Charming would want to share his life. To be that Queen who is an embodiment of unconditional love, she learned to be compassionate, towards herself and towards others around her. To be the possibility of unbridled joy, she learned to take herself lightly, to not take all situations personally and to get off her ego when she does! In order for the love of her life to effortlessly communicate with her, she now has to be the person who knows to apologize when she has made a mistake, knows when to forgive when an apology is asked of her, knows to communicate her needs! Gosh, what a delicious life would that be? Wouldn't that be a life to die for? Better still, wouldn't that be a life to strive for, every day, today?

One day, the Queen met her Prince Charming (should it be King Charming?). She had worked on herself to become that person who exudes effortless communication, unadulterated joy and unconditional love. Now she had all of that in her Prince. She now HAS IT ALL!

Maybe?

2011-05-21T17:47:00.000-04:00

I have not been quite good about keeping up with my blog for a while now! Well, my priorities had been different for the past few months. I don't know why I started to look at various blog posts that I have posted over the past few years today. I loved that walk down the memory lane. Did you know that I first started blogging on April 22, 2005? I was in a very very sunny land at that time - Texas. I was a newbie in Texas and was slowly re-discovering myself after a personal disaster. I read through a few of my posts and I had written about how my heart was in San Jose, California. Now, I can only read those posts with a smile on my face. I guess I was grappling on to anything familiar at that time, while trying to come to terms with the new-ness of everything else around me!

As I read through those posts, I started to get the sense that I am a joyous person. It is odd that I have to write it down to recognize & realize this aspect about me. I allowed a lot of incidents in the past few months to cause a turmoil within me, that everything was so-o-o-o- significant that I forgot to laugh, just for the heck of it! As an icing on the cake, I have severe sinus infection for the past week and I am home bound because of that! So, this walk down the memory lane through my blog was my much needed medicine, to jolt me into the "reality" that I am a joyous person and that I just need to laugh for the sheer joy that can be found in it!

I also now painfully realize that I had forgotten to thank my blog, on its "blog-versary" that which had served me well over the past few years, that which acted as my sounding board at all times, good, bad and ugly! May be it is not so nutty after all to say "Happy Birthday, Blog!"

In a word - Home

2011-03-30T09:38:00.000-04:00

Courtesy: minimalist-home-designs.blogspot.com

I had always thought that I had the ability to make any place my home! Frankly, I still do! I know for a fact that to this day, I don't walk into my apartment, I walk into my heaven on earth - my home no matter where the geographical location is.

It caught me by surprise to realize that no matter where I make my home, a small portion of my heart is still elsewhere - Dallas, TX. It is not just where I want to hang my hat but also to satisfy that small portion of my heart which seems to be very authentic to myself!

Now, home is not only where I hang my hat but a place where ALL portions of my heart says that it is my heaven on earth! Follow your bliss, no matter what!

In a word - Unmessable

2011-03-23T09:55:00.000-04:00

"Unmessable" ! I cannot find this word in "normal" dictionaries like Merriam Websters. So I looked it up in Urban Dictionary and this is what I found!

"The quality of being able to stand in the face of any circumstance and not be thrown off course. Being "unmessable with" : someone who can generate possibility with anyone at anytime under any circumstance. "unmessable with-ness" : the quality of being unstoppable in the face of no agreement, able to turn lemons into lemonade."

I like this word and I like it a lot these days. When things are so frightening or utterly frustrating for me, so much so that they cripple me from going forward with what I want in my life, I pull back and think about these words- "Unmessable".

The odd part about all of this is that I know I am very courageous woman. Yet, there are things that sometimes hold me back! In one of my self development courses this past weekend, somebody told me that when you start to think life is freaking difficult, just change the words and say Life is Blueberries. When I realize that I am dealing with blueberries only and not something as frightening as I can make it to be, then I really am able to focus on what I am committed to and not what the frightening thoughts that are swirling in my mind!

So, in the spirit of "Unmessable"-ness that I am these days, here's an image!

In a word - Joy

2011-03-13T21:13:00.000-04:00

Joy! Ah, sometimes it is such an elusive concept, sometimes it seems so out of the reach! I am very joyous externally in what I do. My friends and family constantly tell me that I bring joy & comfort when I am around them. I also know that I bring stress also!! :-) That is me, alright!

I noticed that there was a perpetual emptiness in me for the past few weeks. Being an analyst, I analyzed, synthesized, hypothesized and still was unable to arrive a what seemed to be a reasonable conclusion. The emptiness just did not go away! There were times when I was open about being sad or stressed; there were times when I suffered in silence! Gosh, what can it possibly be? Heck, I did not even realize that I was sad. It was one of those feelings / actions that I effectively camouflaged as stress or concern! If I don't know what I don't know because of this camouflage, how the hell am I going to fix it?

It was one of those weekends for me when I went on a day long meditation retreat. I am on a path of self awareness these days. During the course of my meditation, I realized that the single biggest reason why I was upset/ sad/ angry with myself and with situations around me is because I was not authentic about what I want. I was not authentic and clear about what I want, I got what I had not clearly asked and now I am sad because I did not ask clearly & what I got is not to my satisfaction!

Confusing isn't it? My life coach told me that there is nothing called confusion; there is only lack of clarity about our commitments. What am I committed and how do I ask the Universe, the family, my friends, my special friends, my hobbies with the clarity that will provide me what I need? Ah, I love this insight and the actions that I am taking because of this. When I looked back at my vision board, I was blown away by all that I had put up on the vision board - about Authentic Authenticity and I am pleased, excessively pleased at how it is manifesting!

So here is to you and joyful life that is yours!

NaBloPoMo #15 - Character & Values

2011-02-16T17:03:00.000-05:00

My brother seems to think that I am blogging only about girly and frilly stuff these days! Keeping up with that stereotype, I want to blog about a web site that I think is just awesome! Click here to go to that site! I love that this web site is really dedicated to values that are important to us and how we can just

You have the option of submitting a value that is important to you and that which you don't see on the list. I submitted "Authenticity" earlier and am waiting for it to be accepted! The web site also allows you to create a billboard for the value and I think I will do just that! Aahaha, I know what it is going to be! I am going to use my vision board for declaring the meaning of this "Value" to myself!

My dear brother, is this still girly for you? If it is so, then I have had my revenge! :-)

NaBloPoMo #14 - Character of a parent-child!

2011-02-15T21:09:00.000-05:00

I don't think this post is going to be a long one! William Wordsworth once said "Child is the father of the man". There are several meanings to this famous saying, one of them is that is the unconditional love of a child brings full meaning to adulthood for a man! Today, my Dad told me that I worry about my Mom & Dad too much, that there is only one of me and that this much worry from only one of me is too stressful!

I wonder at what point in time I made up my mind that my parents ought to be protected and openly loved as much as I was. Well, I have received my own share of spankings, at least I think I did. I cannot remember much about it anyway! But what I feel for my parents overwhelms me at times. Maybe I have come to a point where I am not just the "father of the man" but am the "grandfather of the man" :-(

NaBloPoMo #14 - Character of a song!

2011-02-14T23:23:00.000-05:00

NaBloPoMo #13 - Character of a love letter

2011-02-14T11:18:00.000-05:00

Have you ever written a love letter... to yourself? As a part of an exercise that I am working on, I did this on Saturday. It was supposed to have been a letter that is written from your loved one to you that I have to write. This means that I have to let my imagination lose about what I want to hear from my leading man! The twist in the tale is that once this letter is written, I have to absorb those words as though I am reading it to myself.

To begin with, I found the idea silly! But I have also learned to keep my mind open. So I thought that the worst thing that can happen with this exercise is for me to spend the time to write the letter and nothing else! I wrote a short letter to myself, knowing well that I am writing to myself! It was only when I read the letter out aloud, I realized the full impact of what I wrote. Let me first write the letter here and then blog about its impact!

" Hi love,

How lucky am I to have you in my life? You are a wonderful person with so much love to give and kindness to share. I promise to cherish you as you are, to hold and to nurture you in your goals and hearts desire. I promise to create a life full of fun and peaceful co-existence with you, to treat you like a princess, to hold you when you need me to, to give you your space when you want me to, to treat you with tenderness and patience, to know and understand that with you by my side and your commitment to peace, unconditional love and unbridled joy, anything is possible.

Here's to love and abundance of it!

Vidya "

When I read this out aloud, I realized that before I can accept someone else for who they are and who they are not, I have to accept myself for who I am and who I am not, live peacefully with that! I am kind to others and not really kind to myself! That makes me restless. When I am completely at ease with my mistakes and with my goodness, it makes it easier for me to concentrate on things that actually matter! Just so you know, this is not about focus at work, it is about the overall well-being that I am alluding to!

Anyway, I hope you come to terms with who you are and live a life of peaceful co-existence with yourself!

NaBloPoMo #12 - Character of a vision board

2011-02-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

Have you ever created a vision board? I have not, have never thought about it for my whole life and this year, I decided that I am going to create a vision board! A vision board is really a physical manifestation of what you want to see happen in your life. If you know what exactly what in your life, use those thoughts create your vision board. If you are only vaguely aware of some change that has to happen in your life, use pictures that make you happy and put them in the vision board. Once created all these pictures will come together and start making sense. Click here to know more about creating a vision board!

I have been designing life in different areas - work, fun, self, spirituality, fitness, finance for the past month and I have a pretty good idea of what I want in life. When my vision board came to life, I was exceedingly pleased and happy as a punch about the possibilities that are opening up! There have been injuries from the past that I am going to have to work on healing, phenomenal future to live into and just live life deliciously! I want to share the vision board with my favorite non-person in this world - my Blog! And here it is,

Believe it or not, changes started to happen in my life since I put this board up at 12:30 on Saturday night! The truth is that when we know what we want, we start to recognize the little things that show up in life that may not have meant anything at all! Isn't it AWESOME?!

NaBloPoMo #11 - Character of a picture!

2011-02-11T21:27:00.000-05:00

This picture says it all!

NaBloPoMo #10 - Character of great relationships

2011-02-11T21:25:00.000-05:00

I am figuring out that there are three secrets to a GREAT relationship, with themselves and others around them.

I have learned and follow diligently that I am 100% responsible for everything that I allow to happen to me in my life and everything that I do not allow to happen to me in my life. Once I take this kind of responsibility, I recognize that I no longer feel powerless and victimized. It gives me a choice in the matter and I am now able to act instead of reacting! This also means that I am 100% responsible for my words, thoughts, actions and behaviors in the relationships between me and with others.

We expect ZERO in return in our relationships. The failure of any relationship is when we expect the other person to change into the person that we want them to be. Expecting zero in our relationships with ourselves and others will provide for a new kind of acceptance. We will be able to accept ourselves and others for what they are and for what they are not.

The third secret that I have learned is critical for great relationships is the ability to communicate in times of war and peace without reacting to a situation. Communication is key to defining our own wants and needs; it is key when talking to people in our relationships especially when they seem to be behaving to us in a way that we think is not worthy of our love or respect.

I still am absorbing and relating to these truths on a day to day basis. But I think I am on the right track and am excited for these philosophies to be implemented daily!

NaBloPoMo #9 - Character of aping

2011-02-10T09:55:00.000-05:00

Take a look at the picture on the left. Where do you think it was taken? I took this picture in India at a New Age mall with some very western sounding name. I was flabbergasted when I walked into the mall. It looked and felt like any mall in the USA, only it was louder! I went around checking the stores and there was not a single store where I can find "Indian" outfits, crafts, arts, heck anything remotely Indian. I only saw designer stores and shops catered to the tourists or Indians who are able to spend money like tourists! Upon close scrutiny, I found a handful of stores that sold incense sticks, Indian outfits etc. But the price on these Indian goods were so expensive even to my American-money-earning ears!

I could not help but think what happened to retaining our authenticity as a country. If I wanted to feel as though I live in the USA, would I not be living in the USA? Why be in India? I like how the world is getting smaller by the second but I don't like how we feel the need to become someone else in this shrinking world! I think there is space for our bigness and the shrinking world!

NaBloPoMo #8 - Character of writing

2011-02-09T10:41:00.000-05:00

I went to a book store in India - Landmark - and was pleasantly surprised to see this board within the store. Isn't it ironical that an Indian store will carry a board like this in India? I can expect that outside India but not within India. What was equally surprising was how small the quantity of books that were listed there!

If you have ever read any Indian author who writes fiction, you would notice that they tend to bring a lot of Indian-ness to the story. Maybe I notice it because I am an Indian myself or it could be because I feel nostalgic about India when I am not in India. I love the stories that these authors weave, how they bring to life the cultural goodness and the prejudices that make up an Indian's life. I love Indian authors and someday I want to be one myself. And I suspect my book will not be a fiction story but will be a motivational story for women empowerment!Writing is such a release.

I feel that I am at my creative best when I am writing especially this blog. As much as I place an emphasis on verbal communication, I place equal importance to the written word! In the absence of sound, the written word ( along with other non-verbal communication) also creates the reality of the situation for the listener/ reader! In the meantime, I would love to see more of the Indian authors so much so that there is a store called "Indian writing" and not just a board!

NaBloPoMo #7 - Character of love

2011-02-07T22:56:00.001-05:00

My friend - I - got me this charm also called as - domovichok in Russian - from Russia. This charm is supposed to bring love to one's house. What struck me as cute about this charm is the fact that it is cute! Well, that was a no brain-er!

I have never really believed in charms in order to bring love and peace into my life. However, when I received this charm from her, I realized that it is time for me to believe in charms, at least in this one! If it is not love for "I" to think of me during her vacation and buy me this charm, what else can it possibly be?

"Love" will show up in different shapes and forms. It is up to us to recognize, charm or no charm!

NaBloPoMo #6 - Character of chocolate

2011-02-07T08:56:00.000-05:00

I don't like chocolates and I am not a dessert person at all. But there are a few things in life, some unexpected delights that cause a shift in me, so much so that I have become an addict! I am referring to Max Brenner in New York. Ohhh, so delicious Mexican Hot Spicy Mix on White Chocolate... My mouth waters even as I think about it! It is an extremely orgasmic drink. If I, a prudish person, is able to make such a bold statement, believe me it is something!

I can't go on enough about this drink but here's to the drink that changed my view about chocolate!

NaBloPoMo #5 - Character of snow

2011-02-06T17:17:00.000-05:00

It has been six weeks since I came back to the USA from warmer climates and my city has experienced nearly 7 snow storms in this time period. Every week brings in a fresh pile of snow. Sometimes, just for grins, we get snowfall, ice and sleet twice a week! How fun?!

In the beginning, I loved the gentle snowflakes piling up on the ground!it is actually such a loving sensation to walk in the snow when it is falling. It is cold but not to the point where your teeth chatter and one's extremities go numb! I love walking around in that setting! But then, when snowstorms became the order of the day, day after day and week after week, I slowly started to realize that my days in New York is slowly but surely counting down!

Make no mistake about it, I love New York. I love the vibrancy, the resilience and the character of the city. The city is unlike anything that I have seen so far! I love what I have made of myself and for myself in this wonderful, one-of-a-kind city. Do you know, how when you go out with somebody, you sometimes are in this phase of uncertainty, you are not sure if you want to be with this person, you are not sure if you don't want to be with this person?!

That is where I am in my relationship with New York! To be or not to be! :-)

NaBloPoMo #4 - Character of tea

2011-02-05T00:19:00.000-05:00

I read somewhere that one of the steps that you can take towards building happiness into your everyday life is to cherish a daily activity and cherish it daily!Despite the fact that I was born and raised in Madras, the coffee capital of India, I don't drink coffee AT ALL! I nurture and cherish tea! Well, I have always been a rebel, what can I say?!

After I read this "tip" about incorporating daily happiness consciously, I decided to declare "tea" as my daily dose of nurtured joy! This decision itself has caused a shift in the way I approach the tea making process. I had always enjoyed preparing tea but what has happened now is that the enjoyment is mindful EVERY DAY! I prepare tea in a true Indian fashion, add a dose of "Me"-ness to it and drink it out of my giant New York mug. Hmmm.. Heavenly deliciousness!

NaBloPoMo #3 - Revolution

2011-02-04T12:02:00.001-05:00

I was watching the news on CNN and BBC about the uproar in Egypt! What seemed to start off as a peaceful revolution took on a surreal turn when men on horseback and camels came gushing into the Tahrir Square! I was surprised to see how astonishingly civil and young the revolution was till the surreal happened! Do you know that the average age of the anti-government revolutionists is 20 and they are now doing the seemingly impossible! They have managed not only to upset the 30 year old Mubarak regime, cause ripple effect of this peaceful revolution in Tunisia and Yemen!

I started to wonder about the character of youngsters that caused about this change. And I also wondered about the same set of young people who turned violent against the violent pro-Government protesters while defending themselves. In this day and age of modernism, I think it is a personal and communal victory for a revolution to be peaceful. I also wonder if it is still a victory when the peaceful movement is violent in their defense? At what point in time, do we stop turning the other cheek?

NaBloPoMo #2 - Toastmaster Character

2011-02-02T23:10:00.003-05:00

I have been a member of Toastmasters International for a while now. Like with all good things, I have learned to appreciate the good that comes out of Toastmasters only now! Well better late than never! So what is it about Toastmasters that makes me want to sit up and take notice? Let me jot down the list of character building traits that I get out of Toastmasters. This can quickly be an unending list. So I am going to limit it to just ten of them.

Active Listening : How often do our minds wander when we “hear” somebody talk? How often do we want to interject with our own ideas of how things should be instead of just listening? Imagine if you train yourself to listen without judgment, listen without adding anything to it, just listen? Isn’t that a precious gift that we can give our family, our friends, the special someone in our life, our co-workers, our managers, in short our small world that we live in?

Patience : How can we learn to listen without judgment without patience? Unless we practice patience, we will not learn to bite our tongue and not interfere with the speaker? Can you imagine the mental space that we are creating for the speaker when we patiently listen to them without adding anything to it with our own judgments and perceptions? Imagine showing that patience to our loved ones!

Courtesy: It just goes without saying when we show the patience and listen actively, we can only be courteous in the way we speak!

Laughter: If we listen to all that is said and all that is unsaid, then we are going to go down the path of serious assumptions. The truth is out there because of the first three characteristics. When there are no serious or stupid assumptions, isn’t there space for laughter?

Adventuresome: When we fill our lives with laughter and joy, we learn to control what we have control over, let go what we don’t have any control over and gain the wisdom to distinguish between both!

Cooperation: With laughter and adventurous nature, can we then not seduce more people to our point of view than arguing about it?

Communication: The next inevitable lesson is communication. Words create a reality for our listeners. Isn’t it a delicious feeling when we learn to talk in a way that elicits cooperation?

Feedback: Imagine being able to talk to our loved ones in such a way that they feel supported and actually want to improve their behavior? When we provided such a positive feedback, our words has not only created a wonderful reality for others but also enriched ours!

Mentoring: We are leaders in our own right not just at our work place but also in our homes. As leaders we are fully responsible for the welfare and betterment of our family, our co-workers, our own jobs, our own lives! Mentoring teaches us to live life by design and not by accident! Isn’t that all empowering?

Leadership: This leads to the last point, which is such an important and something that is near and dear to me! I truly believe that Leadership is service and only when I look at it that way, am I able to function in such a way that will empower others and subsequently empowering me to do bigger projects! My family, right now, is a prime example of what empowerment can actually do in the face of debilitating physical ailments!

I know that I will not get all these character building traits instantly or utilize them effectively when the time and situation calls for their application! But I know that I have these tools in my basket of tools to face life and am getting better and better at utilizing all these tools in the face of anything! After all, life is finger-licking delicious, if I choose for it to be!

NaBloPoMo #1 - Phone Character

2011-02-01T16:12:00.000-05:00

Okay, I am back in action with my blogging and in this month relegated to Valentine's Day, sappy Hallmark cards, Redder roses, pinker lipsticks and more romantic stuff, I dedicate the blog posts to the theme of the month - Character! Even as I write this, I am starting to wonder, what is going to come up in this month that I will have to struggle against, battle over to ensure that I blog every day? Well that irrational fear aside, I want to write about a phone call that lasted all but 10 minutes but which lifted my mood extraordinarily.

Normally, all of us are self-sustaining! We know when we are hungry and know to eat even if it is not on time, we know when to fall asleep, when to stay awake, when to drink, pee, go to work, come back from work, you get the picture! There are also times when we are in a funk because of everything else that is going on and we may not realize that we are in a funk. I have learned to pull myself out of the funk pretty fast but my recognition of this phase sometimes is slow. I don't realize that I am emotionally drained out till someone actually points that out to me!

All I remember doing today was to send out a text message requesting a pep talk. This is something that I almost always NEVER do! I did it today, thinking what is the worst possible thing that can happen.There it was the phone call!
Within minutes, I realized before I even want to tackle something, I just need to recharge! I had forgotten that I was on overdrive. It took me that generous heart behind that phone call to realize that!

WOW! What a relief! I wonder if there is a symptom that I can rely on to let me know when I am on an overdrive like this? May be there were symptoms, maybe I was blissfully unaware that I neglected the symptoms too! Because the fact of the matter is I cannot be of any service to anybody unless I can be of service to myself! Symptoms or not, Thank God for wonderful people who care enough to make that phone call.

Sexiness

2010-12-08T01:38:00.000-05:00

We all need motivation in our lives to do different things, from studying, to dating, to getting married, to writing a blog, to go to the gym, to get up from bed, to read a book, to get out of the house, to do anything for which we can come up with brilliant, if not ingenious excuses to not do!

I enlist and enroll accountability buddies for different aspects of my life. They help keep me honest, stay true to what I said I would do, in short not just remain honest but also authentic! I realized that I needed an accountability buddy to remain in shape. I was not sufficiently motivated to keep up with my exercises. Sometimes my excuse was the weather, sometimes work, sometimes I needed to indulge, sometimes it was this absorbing crime drama on TV that kept me hooked, well, you get the picture! It is okay to be diverted every once in a while but if diversion is the norm, then that area needs some introspection, particularly if it is an important area of your life! I introspected and was surprised to realize that even such an mundane activity like exercising was affected by an unpleasant episode from my past. I was not owning my own power because of this past related episode, so much so that my past was now in my present. This sounds very zen like, I know! If you are interested in knowing more, contact me separately. I'd love to talk to you about it! Without further digression, when I realized how I am inadvertently allowing myself to be in my own way, I embraced my own "sexiness".

Interestingly enough, I have been asked if I want to be buried in a "hour glass shaped" coffin. Cute, but I want to clarify that "sexiness" is not just having a fit and toned body. To me, it is something more, a lot more! "Sexiness" is all about the attitude - Boldness and Acceptance. Boldness in accepting somebody for who they are, with all their perfections and flaws, boldness in knowing what can be controlled, accepting what cannot be controlled and what need not be controlled, boldness in showing affection, acceptance in inviting love in all its shape and form, acceptance in humility, self-confidence and self-awareness, boldness in playing full out in the game of life with yourself, family, friends, loved ones, unloved ones and with your (potential) significant other! "Sexiness" is merely looking at the facts that happened, removing the stories associated with those facts and continue to smile a genuine smile in the face of everything that shows up! YES, I want that "Sexiness"!!!

Can you imagine a pretty woman minus the attitude of boldness and acceptance? Can you now imagine a beautiful woman with my definition of "sexiness"? Yes, I want to be that woman and I want to say that I am that woman every day of my life! I don't think I want to be buried in an "hour glass" shaped coffin but when I die, I want people to remember me as that "Sexy" lady, with my definition of "Sexiness" !

Rains

2010-12-06T11:05:00.000-05:00

It has been raining cats and dogs here in Madras! The months of November and December is the time for rains, which feeds and waters the state of Tamil Nadu for the rest of the year! As I listen to the news, watch the surging flow of water through every possible crevices on the streets, hear the incessant drop of torrential rains throughout the night, I could not help but think about New York!

Now, that is a twist in the thought process isn't it? According to the news, schools and colleges in Madras will be closed because of the rains. People cancel their plans because it is raining! Do you know what happens in New York when it rains or snows or the city buckles momentarily under a terrorist attack or a threat? Life goes on! This is so important that I am going to reiterate - Life goes on in New York! And it is not just the daily humdrum of life and monotony but actual living with full blown vitality, speed and gusto. The city is so vibrant and so resilient that I cannot help but be impressed by NYC and the people that make the city! When it rains and boy, does it rain there, people know that they have to wrap themselves up in rain wear, wear something warm as well, because it can be biting cold when it rains too, then head out doing their business, be it fun or work related!

I am not comparing Madras to New York by any chance! Madras is resilient in her own way! As long as the city belongs to India, it will be resilient because that is who Indians are, in general. That just goes without saying! I am merely reminded about the city that never sleeps when I am in the city where I hang my hat in right now!

Communication

2010-12-04T22:15:00.002-05:00

I truly believe that communication is the most effective art that makes or breaks a relationship, no matter what that relationship is about. The words that come out of our mouth make the reality for the other person. We are responsible for how we feel when we are with others and how we leave others! So, today, I am going to gab about my two cents on communication, that seems to be one of my growing strengths!

I have a phenomenal relationship with my parents and I attribute that to the level of communication we have between us. We are playful with each other, sometimes bossy, child like, childish, intellectual, emotional, angry, upset ; you name it, we have it going on! Our relationship is not perfect! But it works because we make it work. Not only do my Mom and Dad love me but also trust and respect me and the boundaries that I have around a few areas of my life.

I remember having to speak to my parents about my need for space every once in a while. The need for a privacy or space is a NICE concept in India but not necessarily honored. So, when I had to talk to them about it, it led to a lot of misunderstanding. I rallied and reiterated the fact that the need for space does not mean lack of respect (Ergo, the misunderstanding) but it means just that, the need for space so that I can come back and look at the same thing with a better, re-adjusted attitude. I don't think my parents understood it then, I don't think they understand it now but they grant me that space whenever I ask for it! And I ensure that when I do, I am clear about how I ask for it, define how the need for my space will look like and when I will break from that mode!

It is because of incidents like this that I am able to have a phenomenal relationship with my parents. I remember all the things that they sacrificed for us, the late nights, the early mornings to ensure that my brothers and I went to the best schools, that (almost all) our wishes were granted! They just were the best possible parents despite poverty! So if it means that I shop around aimlessly with my mother, if it means that I teach my Dad how to test the VOIP phone connection for 4 hours, if it means that I press their legs when they are unable to move them, if it means that I just stay up at night to talk to them about silly things, if it means that I accept them as they are now, SO BE IT!

I am able to do all of this and more because of the communication pattern that has been set up between my parents and I. I am humbled by the power of words and the impact that it can generate between us! I am who I am because of them; I am who I am because of who they let me be!

This post is dedicated to my parents , around whom my life revolves when I visit India and the playful communication that we have between us!

2/3rd Stake

2010-12-03T22:47:00.001-05:00

There is a wedding soon to happen in the family! These weddings take place in the typical South Indian Iyengar Brahmin fashion. I love all the traditions that go with the wedding ; the concept of allowing the bride and the groom to accept their bachelorhood, inducting them into marriage and allowing the family of the groom to accept the bride as a part of the family. As with every large undertaking, there are complications, issues, negotiations and compromises that has to be undertaken. Even though a wedding is a turning point for both a man and a woman, an Indian wedding is a major turning point for the bride because the changes that happen in her life are vast compared to the man's. So the wedding is celebrated with such aplomb to mitigate this change!

In all such weddings, a thread is tied around the bride's neck to symbolize holy matrimony. This thread is called Thali, which means "You and I are not separate. We are in this together". The Thali is tied with three knots, symbolizing the Trinity of the Hindu religion. The picture to the right, shows the"pendant". This is woven through a yellow thread and this combination is the Thali. The groom ties the first knot of the Thali and the groom's sister ties the second and third knot. Do you know why the groom's sister ties those 2 knots for the bride? It is to symbolize that the bride is welcomed and accepted as a part of the groom's family. This is extremely important for the bride, given that the bride is learning to accept a whole new family as her own. All said and done, women are the ones who keep the family together and not men! Yes, I make this bold statement and I stand by it 100%.

The fact that I tie 2 of 3 knots of the Thali around my sisters-in-law's neck means that I have a 2/3rd stake in the marriages of my brothers! The research that I did on the Internet around this tradition reveals very little. I think this is sad because we seem to follow the traditions, without knowing the meaning around such wonderful practices. Had we known all these meanings, I think that

1. Men will know how to act as a balance between their wives and their mothers instead of taking sides.

2. Women will realize how they can act as bridges between families instead of isolating themselves from the family of the groom.

3. Both the families of the groom and the bride realize that the traditions are followed for the happiness of the bride and the groom and not to satisfy their own greed or Hindu procedural instinct!

In the interim, I am going to do what I do best, claim my 2/3rd stake in my brothers' marriages and ensure that the family stays intact, with all of its perfections and imperfections!

Proposals

2010-12-02T23:22:00.000-05:00

This month of December is geared towards defining or articulating the moral, cultural or general intellectual climate of my life as it exists right now. Or at least that is the theme defined by National Blog Posting Month! I was not too keen on starting another blogging marathon, only because it calls for discipline to blog every day! While it is not the most difficult thing to do, I clearly have a starting problem. I am starting a day late into my birthday month! :-)

That said, let me delve right into what has been amusing me for a while. Let me also add in a word of disclaimer. All that I write here are based on my own experience and reflect only my personal opinion and not my entire country's!

The word "proposal" in India means something very different. Do you want to know what that is? It means that not only do you profess love for the other person but also are indirectly implying that there is matrimony involved, sooner or later. What amuses is not this concept but the timing of the concept. A proposal always happens the moment two people talk directly to each other for the first time! Till then, there would have been clandestine looks, surreptitious smiles and may be some stilted conversation. The actual "proposal" happens when one of them summons up guts to walk up to other and say "I love you. How about you?" As a sidebar, I love the directness of this approach! If the person is unable to feel gutsy enough to lay down the "proposal", then the friends step in. They boldly take on the task of professing their friend's love! Again, as a sidebar, I find this hilarious not to mention truly bold. I love it!

If there is an "acceptance of the proposal", then "love blossoms" and the two lovebirds hang out with each other and possibly get married as well. If there is rejection, then I don't have a single clue about what happens next.

Needless to say, I am too chicken to fall in love at first sight! I truly believe that it takes a lot of gumption to decide in first glance that this is the person with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life, with all its perfections and imperfections. My "checklist" for the leading man of my life is fairly short, in fact there are only two items on it! Despite that, I hesitate to jump feet first into the Indian "proposal".

To conclude, I have a different kind of Indian style proposal for you. "I love my blog. How about you?"

Home

2010-11-19T15:53:00.000-05:00

I am going home today! After nearly four years in the US since my last visit to India, I am going home today! I have been talking about this trip to everybody, jumping up and down with ecstasy! I am going home today to my Mom, Dad, to my talkative "fat" brothers , to my equally talkative, shameless-like-me sisters-in-law, to my Grandma. I am going back home today!

As I was winding down with my things in New York, I slowly started to realize that there are a lot of people here in the USA who are going to miss me when I am gone! I gave my door man from the morning shift a giant hug today at the door. He had been counting down days on my behalf for the past 2 weeks!To him, I am a little girl who talks incessantly about her family overseas! My breakfast was free of charge today. The guy at the cafeteria told me that it was on him because I was going home! He gave me a giant hug, wishing me for my birthday! He is the guy who was constantly inquiring about my mom when she underwent an operation. My other doorman in the afternoon shift will take care of business here for me while I am gone!

And then there are my friends from Toastmasters, Landmark, in Dallas, in other parts of this country. All of my closest friends are going to miss me while I am gone!

I realized that I may be going home today. But I am leaving one home to go to another! Isn't that a nice feeling?!

Play in the rain

2010-10-14T18:14:00.000-04:00

Have you watched these Bollywood movies where the heroine always runs in the rain towards whatever it is that she is running towards? I used to be amused by this action. Why is she running in the rain? What can possibly be the motive behind this? Well, the minds of the Bollywood directors is in the gutter. So that reason apart, I recently discovered the joy of walking in the rain.

I was in Florida recently and it started to rain all of a sudden. That is how the weather changes in Florida. My friend and I were getting ready to scramble towards a shelter, when I stopped dead in my tracks. I remember thinking to myself how often have I had the chance to just stand in the rain, allowing for the small drops of water to wash through me! My friend noticed my lack of movement and started to edge me on but I smiled and said "No". It was the most exhilirating 10 minutes of my life. I was not just walking but skipping and dancing in the rain.My friend started to walk with me and I burst into an Indian song! I guess you can never take the Indian out of me! :-)

As I am seated in my warm apartment looking at the rains outside, I cannot help but think about Florida and my "escapade" in the rains!

Play with my mind

2010-10-14T11:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was one of those days! I was working till 10:00 PM and felt depleted when I got back home! It was not just physical tiredness but I felt mentally and emotionally weak! I realized that I am hanging on to something, something that is not really empowering me in any way. But there is a "deliciousness" is being upset about something! I am all for having a delicious life but not this kind of sad, desolate, lonely with a sense of abandonment, just because I was hanging onto something in my mind!

Now, after having gone through an exercise I learned from Landmark Education, I am contented and am deliciously happy for my brother, I am exceedingly grateful for what I have in my life right now and in full readiness and anticipation to what is possibly in future, the good, bad and ugly! YAY!

Play with Toastmasters

2010-10-12T20:47:00.000-04:00

Have you heard about Toastmasters International? It is a not for profit, social organization that assists with public speaking & leadership skills! I have been a member of this organization for nearly 6 years now and I am starting to realize that there are several intangible benefits in being a member. There is a level of self-awareness that causes me to push my limits in terms of communication and openness relating to it; it is enabled and empowered by Toastmasters!

Today, I completed my second level called the Advanced Communicator Bronze. This means that I have presented 10 speeches in total under two specific categories - Interpersonal Communication & Story Telling! I realized that I was very suppressed when it came to telling stories. There was no personal touch to the stories. So I presented the same speech at a couple of different clubs till I got it right! Now, I can proudly tell you that I am a good storyteller at a Toastmasters club. All that remains for me is to take this important lesson and take it to my real life!

This calls for celebration and I am going to drink some fine port!

Play with sun tan

2010-10-11T23:46:00.000-04:00

I recently returned back from a trip to Florida and had some fun in the sun! Well, I had the fun in the sun without sun block on! When I returned back to work, I came back several shades darker than what I originally am! It shocked the people at work, it shocked my friends and family!

There are several ways of reducing this tan, one of them is a chemical way of doing this by undergoing procedures like microdermabrasion and chemical peels. I find it disconcerting to undertake chemical means when there are proven herbal means of making this work! Originally from India, S.Indians are always a shade darker than their N.Indian counterparts because of the proximity to the Equator. I fall under that category! I remember using a combination of milk and lemon juice, applying it to my face every night for nearly a month. I lost several shades of my tan easily during that time period.

I am going to back to using that time tested method again. Till then, please bear with my darkened skin. My heart is still white as snow! (Yeah right?!)

If interested in other home remedies for skin care, check out this website!

Play in New York

2010-10-10T22:42:00.000-04:00

I got back from out of town today and was in an "Empire state of mind", when we were driving into Manhattan! So much so that I played this song embedded below multiple times just to signal my happiness in entering Manhattan!

Yes, I am this ecstatic when I come back to New York, come to rest my heart and hat, when I come home! I realized that I am always this happy and joyous when I return to any place where I live, where I chose to make my home, be it temporary or permanent! When I lived in CA, I used to be happy where I lived because I chose to call it home, despite the trying circumstances. I used to have tears in my eyes when I came back to Dallas and saw the "Welcome to Dallas/Fort Worth" sign outside the DFW airport. Though I did not quite fit in the South of the USA, it still was home to me and I did not really want to talk bad about where I hung my hat everyday!

Now I realize, home is not just where the heart is but also where the attitude is! As long as I live in New York, in the words of Alicia Keys "Lets hear it for New York, New York, New York"

Apples and Play

2010-10-09T22:58:00.000-04:00

I have been obsessed with Apple picking ever since my friend "I" told me about it. I love experiences like this and I wish I had gone with her to pick apples.

I remember living in a tea plantation while growing up in India. During summer, I used to take my book to the plantation and sit between the pathway between the rows of tea shrubs and be completely lost in the bliss of it all.

Several peach trees were also planted across the plantation.Summertime would be the time when we kids would race through the plantation, shake the trees and see which ripe peach falls! Oh, those were fun times! My thoughts raced back to those days when I heard about apple picking!

Isn't it delicious that we can actually walk into a farm and pick the apples, instead of sneaking in, shaking the tree and see what falls down? On second thought, I think I like the thrill that goes with the latter! I am going to go Apple Picking this year! I just have to figure out if I want to go by myself or go with an equally enthusiastic bunch of apple pickers, if I can find them!

Play & Travel

2010-10-08T23:44:00.000-04:00

I am utterly exhausted today because I was working till 2:00 AM on Thursday and I had a full day at work on Friday and an evening full of fun with my friend "S". I was raking my brains about the topic of my post for the day and how I can relate it to the theme of this month "Play". My friend "S" shamelessly recommended that I write about her! Well, how can I turn such an offer down?

I have known "S" for almost 6 months now and we were introduced to each other through my blog. She is also the only few people in the USA with whom I speak in Tamil. Nearly 2 months ago, I declared to her that I am making it my mission in life to travel to a new location within the USA every month! She is my accountability buddy for that! She jumped at that opportunity because not only will she be my accountability buddy but also my traveling companion!

She is a really kind and understanding person, whose mission in life is to lead a peaceful and fun filled life. Any time I am with her, I am my rowdy self! Yes, I can be rowdy too! :-) We have such a blast together that I keep thinking to myself that it was a lucky chance that put her in my life. Here's to more fun filled travels with you, "S" and more such shameless recommendations!

Play in Fall

2010-10-07T23:55:00.000-04:00

In the land where I was raised and later on in the land where I lived a small portion of my adult life, there were only two seasons- hot and hotter! There may be sprinkles of rain when it is hot but that is pretty much the variation that the weather offered!

As always, things are different in New York, at least for me! I am surprised at the definition of seasons here! Summer follows Spring. It is followed by Fall and then Winter! Nature takes on her own "outfits" for each of these changes. I love the immense sprinkling of color and flowers across Park Ave in Spring. At the onset of summer, the colors are more vibrant under the sharp rays of the sun.

Now that it is fall, I am thrilled with the slight nip in the air, the beautiful warm colors of red, orange and yellow covering the land! I love that there are defined seasons for me to enjoy and above all play with!

All play and more play!

2010-10-06T22:52:00.001-04:00

So, I had decided earlier to write a post every day for this month and forgot about it right after my post!I received a text message today that surprised me, asking me if my blogging frequency is daily or weekly? Needless to say, I decided to post again today and here it is!

I thought about the topic of the post and the more I played around with the word "play", the more I realized that there is only one person who I know is the most playful person, most fun loving and joyous human being and that is my friend, "I". She is the one who is the inspiration for this post! At the risk of sounding corny, any communication from her lights me up. I ALWAYS have a smile on my face when I see her pictures on Facebook, when I see her email, when I see her text message, when I see her in person and when I think about her. To me, she is the commitment towards sheer, unadulterated joy and I consider it my privilege to be around her. She sets goals for herself every year and I have seen her surround herself with only those kind of people who are similar to her!

It is because of her and only her that I will post every day for the rest of this month!I made her my accountability buddy asking that she hold me accountable for doing this for the rest of the month! So, dear "I", here's a joyous bouquet for a playful you!

Post #1 - Play with Schedule

2010-10-02T00:28:00.000-04:00

I realized that I constantly complain about lack of time for all that I want to do in my life! There have been times when I have wished that there be more than 24 hours in a day. What if there are more than 24 hours in a day? Will I complain any less? Or will work just "expand" to fill those additional hours? When I get this horrific thought about work can possibly expand to include those "extra hours", I am content to hang on 24 hours in a day!

So, here is a game that I am playing for this month! I am going to get very intentional about planning my week - my personal, professional and social calendar. Every Monday of a week is when I am going to sit down and envision how my week is going to look so that I can do everything that I want do, take care of myself and my family, be in touch with my friends.

Let me see if this work will take away the spontaniety in life or if that is just an excuse! And I am also going to post every day of the month of October! This is starting to sound sweeter and sweeter!

So, O People of the Blog, watch out for daily updates to my beloved blog!

Long Distance Relationships

2010-08-22T19:38:00.000-04:00

I am wondering about long distance relationships today! Do they work? Are they worth the effort, does distance matter, how do you know anything at all about the other person, how much should you trust? So you can see that I have been thinking a lot about the long distance relationships.

I am ambivalent about the long distance relationships, primarily for all the questions that I have mentioned above. With the world shrinking by the minute, how is it that emotions and gauging those emotions still remains a bigger mystery?

Week #1 - Inspirational Week

2010-08-10T09:58:00.000-04:00

I choose not to do the Blog Marathon this month but I am also committed to blogging once a week! Apparently, some of my posts have inspired people to do a few things in their lives. When I was acknowledged for this, I was and still am inspired to write more!

This past week had been an eventful week. I sold my car in Dallas and thought it was going to be a dramatic day for me. It just was hot in terms of temperature and nothing else beyond that! When I was flying back to New York, I was seated next to a guy who suddenly jumped up from his seat and told me to punch him if he snored! I was surprised but I said "Okay!" with a smile. (Yes, I am evil!)

After a while, he woke up and ( I did not punch him!) was talking to me about his neck pain. I too am suffering through neck and shoulder pain because of herniated discs. I was giving him a few tips on how to cope and manage the pain. The last tip I gave him was to evaluate the stress in his life because at the end of the day, most physical ailments boil down to how we feel about ourselves mentally! I have the feeling that I am a superwoman and that I have to do it all on my own, with nobody to help me. But I have realized that I still can be a super woman and have it all but I just don't have to do it all on my own. I enlist the support of family and friends to assist me wherever possible. This is a work in progress for me but I am loving the feeling of liberation and camaraderie that I get out of it. I shared all of this with him, something that I never do, share myself! Once I did that, he quickly was relating to me and we spent a good amount of time talking about this. When I stepped off the plane, I knew that I had made a difference in that man's life. I also knew that I am not in this alone in fighting this super woman complex, of doing it all by myself. “Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.”

Post #31 - Completion

2010-07-31T22:37:00.000-04:00

YAY! Today, I complete the last day of blogging marathon for this month! I have never done anything like this before and am extremely proud of myself for achieving what I thought was impossible for me! During this past month, I fell sick twice, worked till 2:00 AM in the mornings, prepared & presented speeches at Toastmasters, conducted group conference calls with my friends from Landmark, conducted family conference calls every Sunday, met with lovely I for fun and L for career coaching, started a community project in New York, went to Atlantic city, planned a trip to Dallas for car sale, home investment and general catch up with friends, set up my apartment, took care of all of pending work and still managed to post everyday!

I did not realize that I posted everyday despite circumstances till I started jotting them down for this post! It proves one and only thing to me - the fact that there is no time to do everything is untrue! We can always make time for ourselves, others and still have a good time doing it as long as we are acting and not re-acting!

Thank you God, for giving me the sensibility to take this blog post marathon for the month of July. YOU have truly made a difference in my life on account of this shift in perception!

To celebrate, I am going to open a bottle of Renault American Port and go to sleep! Thank you blog readers for keeping up with me and being my source of motivation!

Post #30 - Procrastination

2010-07-30T22:42:00.001-04:00

Today, I got a few things out of the way; these are the items that I had been procrastinating about. Do you know how long it actually took to get them done? All of 2 hours and that is it! I then realized that this "laziness" is really my way of getting in my own way! Imagine if we all act on every single dream that we have instead of wishing them away or merely thinking about them!

I read this on Facebook:

Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.

G-D=R

It's a very simple equation. When your goals are strong and highly focused, and your doubts small by comparison, that leads to success. If your doubts are bigger than your goals, watch out! Doubts are strong and persistent. You can't simply THINK them away -- you must ACT them away."

ACT now!

Post #29 - Leaders Program

2010-07-29T21:52:00.000-04:00

Up until now, I have made a bold statement only to my career coach - L - but I am declaring that to my blog world as well. By the time I turn 60, I am going to be the Secretary General of the United Nations, creating an impact in this whole wide world! There, I said it!

Towards that end, there are a couple of things that I am working on right now. I am starting French lessons in two weeks from now! I am also starting my Leaders Program with Landmark Education in September! I am going to make a difference in this world and there is no way I am going to get stopped in this process!

My brother in London is slowly starting to be my silent inspiration. My youngest brother in India is my positive ray of sunshine! I loved and still love my younger brothers differently. I know both of them are reading this post and I know they are going to have my back and keep me accountable when it comes to implementing this idea! Keep me honest, guys! :-)

Post #28 - Dog Training

2010-07-28T23:09:00.000-04:00

Today, I signed up to be a certified dog trainer! This is something right outside my comfort zone and I was not even sure if I should do this! But there is a being in my family, who is really the driving force behind this. His name is Checkers and this post is dedicated to the most awesome dog in whole wide world!

Checkers is a 2 year old Golden Retriever, who is also a Saggitarian like me! When he stands on his hind legs, he is taller than I am. He is also a pretty smart being, who can sense the moods of people around him. He is also a total clown and an obedient idiot (and I mean this with all love), who will sit and watch a bag of treats for the entire afternoon, without eating it, just because my brother told him not to!

The picture of Checkers that sticks with me is how he is joyous and playful with his toys and bones!My brother gave him a bone; Checkers marched to his large round bed, sat on it solemnly with the bone hanging out of his mouth like a cigar! I bounded next to him and scooted in his bed to sit next to him. I could tell immediately that he was pleased as Punch! I think I will take that picture of Checkers, forever, with me!

Thanks to you, Checkers, that I am going from being just a dog lover to a dog trainer. If you can read this post, this is dedicated to you! If you can't read this post (LOL), then my brother is going to read it to you!

Post #27 - Nasty email

2010-07-27T23:10:00.000-04:00

So today, I got this nasty email from my team mate, who reports to me! Not only am I angered by his email, but a small portion of me is very much intrigued. I cannot help but wonder what possess a team member to write such an email to his manager!

I am figuring out how to deal with this guy. Obviously, I am going to make him accountable for what he wrote. But there is much more that is going on! If I have to ensure that he is a productive member of the team, I have to get down to what is going on in his world that would make him respond to me like that!!

This is going to be a challenge and I am starting to love it!

Post #26 - Messy day

2010-07-26T23:21:00.000-04:00

Today was a messy day, only in my brain! I powerfully demonstrated today that if I decide to have a crappy day, I can jolly well have it! I was extremely productive at work, got a lot of things accomplished, presented a speech at Toastmasters, won the best speaker award, managed to post today as well, thereby maintaining my commitment to post every day this month! Despite all of this, my mind is BLAH! I am unable to be my cheery self.

That stops right now, with this sentence! I am going to sleep a restful, blissful sleep. Good night folks!

Post # 25 - A little place called Heaven

2010-07-25T23:29:00.001-04:00

After a long drawn out battle with the cardboard boxes, cleaning and arranging, my apartment setup is finally complete! I look around and all I see is beauty; beauty from the hands of artisans who painstakingly created the artifacts that I have in the apartment.

Starting with the simple stick on blinds that are on the windows to the majestic, sparkling painting of Taj Mahal on cloth, I love every single inch of where I am right now!

I see the figurine of a Scottish bagpiper, I remember my friend who gave that to me. I remember the story that a lady from the Jimenez, Native American tribe in Santa Fe, explained to me about the clay pot that she hand painted. When I look at the small basket with bells around it, I remember how the elderly married ladies from the Native American tribe from Tucson wear that around their heads so that the other men of the tribe can pay their respects!

When I walk into my apartment, I have a smile, knowing that I am going to rest myself in a place that I call Heaven!